A Practical Guide to Shade, Chapter 7

Chapter 7

I roll over.

“Wake up baby.”

Vick and I spend the night together.  It’s the first time we allowed this to happen.  It feels weird falling asleep but for some reason waking up to him feels…good.  Maybe it’s his mere size.  He takes up so much of the bed.  He has this body warmth about him.  It makes you feel protected.  I can tell he’s emotionally vulnerable.  I don’t think he wants to be alone.  I expect him to hold me throughout the night but it’s the opposite.

I hold him.

“What is it?”

“Skylar slid a letter under your door.”

“Skylar…shit!”  he states, “Did he see you?”

It’s ridiculous that he’s acting like this. Clearly, Skylar knew what was going on between me and Vick.  He’d probably known for years actually.  Skylar liked to play dumb.  He liked to pretend for his brother but he wasn’t dumb.  The only one in this situation that was dumb was Indigo.

“No,” I state, “It looks like a check.”

He grabs it.

“It’s from that fucking guy.  It’s for the funeral.”

He stares at the check.  The guy Shade had called several times in an attempt to pay for Indigo’s funeral.  I could tell this was really getting underneath Vick’s skin.

“You might as well let him pay for it,” I state shrugging, “It’s not like you were some loyal devoted husband.”

I laugh at the thought but I can tell Vick is butthurt by it.  He’s really butthurt.  It makes it even a bit funnier.

“I loved Indigo,” he defends himself, “It’s not my fault that I was already in love with a guy who would never love me back before we met.”

“Whose that person?” I ask.

He punches me in my arm.  He talking about me and it pisses him off that I’m not this guy who is just so into him like Indigo was.  I enjoyed my freedom.  I enjoyed my control.  Vick required a passive guy like Indigo.  He expected a guy who did what he was told.  Vick enjoyed that.  It turned him on to completely control someone and get him to do what he wanted.  It drove Vick crazy that I wasn’t that guy.

“You are the worst thing that ever happened to me,” he states shaking his head, “You know that?  Me and Indigo would have been so happy if it weren’t for you?”

I smile.

“Then why didn’t you cut me off?”

“I tried?”

“The only thing you tried to do is put your dick in my ass every chance that your husband wasn’t around,” I laugh.

He is trying to make himself feel better.  I can tell.  He’s depressed about Indigo killing himself.  Truthfully I think a part of him really loved Indigo.

I should have known.  I’ve been fucking him for years.  I used to cook for Indigo when he was dating Vick in the beginning.  I might as well have cooked for him because I was already giving him my leftovers.  I look over at Vick laying on the bed.  Don’t get me wrong.  I wasn’t evil.  I felt bad about Indigo.  I was sad, but the more I thought about it Indigo really was trying it towards the end.  He really slept with Khyree.  He tried to make a statement.  It’s a damn shame that he fell a bit short in the end.

And just as I think about how he tried to get his so-called revenge with Khyree I reach over and grab Vick’s dick.

“Man, what are you doing?”

“Relax.  You’re stressed out.  You lost the love of your life.  I can help you feel better about it.”

I grab his dick and pull out.  It’s impressive.  I’d give it that.  I spit on my hand in the next few minutes and push it towards the back of my pants lubing my ass.

I put it in my mouth.  There was this thing about Vick.  The kind of thing that just made you go fucking crazy.  Maybe it’s how thick his dick was.  Maybe it was the fact that Vick smelled like a man.  Always.  Not that he stunk.  No…nothing like that.  It just was that he didn’t put on all this cologne like Khyree.  He didn’t dress it up.  He had this smell and I can smell it all over his balls.  This musk almost. This manly aroma that made you want to take a long hard sniff of his balls.  I let the smell linger.  I can see why people went crazy over Vick.  He was all man.  The kind of guy who didn’t have a feminine bone in his body.

The kind of guy that made you feel soft when you put his hard dick to the back of your throat struggling to take it down to your esophagus only to choke.


It hits the back of my throat.  The long hard shaft is thrust between my tongue and my lips.  I’m looking up desperately waiting for him to let out that long deep moan that he always does, toss his head back and fuck my face until he lifted me and banged my back out like some 2 dollar prostitute.

He doesn’t though.

Instead he pulls out but just turns away.

“Not interested,” he states.

I’m shocked.  I’m more than shocked.  See shit like this didn’t happen to me.  People didn’t say NO to me.  I give him a look and I just am confused as ever.  This was a first.

“Are you kidding?”

“I loved Indigo.  I thought that we were going to work all this out.”

“You filed for divorce.”

“It was a bluff.”

I roll my eyes.  This is getting more and more irritating as I realize what’s happening.  I look over and realize it.  He was depressed.  He was depressed over him.

“I’m sad about Indigo too,” I assure him.

He rolls his eyes, “Please.  You only give a fuck about yourself.”

Asshole.  He was trying to make me feel bad.  Oh, I guess I was the bad guy.  I was the one to blame for Indigo killing himself.

“He was weak for killing himself.  That isn’t my problem.  If he had any balls he would have stuck around and fought it out.  Excuse me for moving on with my life.  You can be sad and carry the fuck on if you want.”

“I wanna be alone man.”

“Wow…you kicking me out.”

He just stares at the wall as though letting the silence speak for itself.  This motherfucker was kicking me out.  That is exactly what he was doing.

I leave but before I slam the room door I make sure to let him know, “This isn’t my fault.  What happened with Indigo isn’t any of our faults.”


I walk downstairs and I just feel this is all unfortunate.  This was all Louvell’s fault.  That’s who was to blame for this.  If he hadn’t opened his fucking mouth about Vegas then none of us would be in this situation in the first place.   Indigo and Vick would still be in their fake little relationship.  I’d still be married to my trophy and I’d have Vick on the side for some good dick anytime I needed it.

As I get to the bottom of the stairs I’m almost going to walk out when I think…I almost SWEAR I see Indigo down there.


My mouth drops scared to death his ghost has come to haunt us or some shit.

“It’s me…Uncle Jean.”

I let out a deep sigh when I see Nevada.  The weird thing is he isn’t even Indigo’s biological son but seems like when someone raises you, you tend to start favoring them whether you are biological or not.  That is what Nevada reminds me of.

“Didn’t know you were here,” I state.

“Same goes for me,” he states.

He looks up the stairs.  He had to know his dad was up there.

“Just checking on your dad, making sure he’s OK.  Would have come to see you too if I knew you were here.”

“Uncle Skylar brought me back.”

I smile.  I take a second at that moment and walk over to Nevada.  He was young and innocent.  I can tell just by the look on his face that he didn’t quite understand death.  I’m sure he knew what it was.  He wasn’t the smartest kid in the world.  I’m not saying he was retarded or anything I’m just saying if I climbed my good looks and jumped to Nevada’s IQ, I’d probably end up killing myself like his dad.  Too harsh?  Too soon?  Shit.

I take a seat, “Listen.  We need to talk about this thing with your dad.  You know he was my best friend and we know that he’s going to be missed.  It’s OK to miss him, you know?”

He’s cold sometimes.  Too cold.  He looks up at me with these soft innocent eyes.

“You told me he had problems. You told me he needed help.”

I sure did.  I wasn’t wrong either.  Indigo had some really strange fucked up fetishes.  What other guy got himself involved with a guy who called himself Shade.  Yeah.  He definitely needed help and he definitely had a few fucked up things going on.

“That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t miss him.”

“I don’t know how I feel, especially after all you said that he did to my real dad.”

“Indigo was your real dad too.”

“Did he know that?”  Nevada asks.

This was getting deep.  It was getting really serious.  It was kind of fun before this.  It was fun seeing how I can get Nevada to turn on Indigo.  I didn’t do it for Vick’s sake.  I did it because I needed Indigo around.  Truthfully I didn’t want to share him with anyone.  Not Vick.  Not Nevada.  Indigo was my number two.  He was the guy who walked around in my shadow licking at my heels pretending to be me.  He lived to be my best friend.

Now he was dead.

And I was alone.  All alone and I have to admit it feels…sort of unsettling.

“He should have stuck around,” I state, “He should have stuck around…for you.”

He should have stuck around for me too.  How selfish was he?  I needed him.  I know it sounded bad.  It sounded like I was being selfish.  If I was selfish it was because Indigo had made me selfish.  He had made me believe for so long that I was this special friend and that everything I did set a fucking trend.   He had MADE me believe all of these things for what?  To turn around and kill himself?   Now what?  What happened now that he was gone?  He was selfish for leaving me.  He was selfish for killing himself.

I get up off the table.  Nevada is just thinking.  I can tell that he’s stuck in his emotions not understanding how to express them.  I knew that he would get over this.  Everyone ended up getting over things sooner or later.

I head out the front door when I hear the door open behind me.  I figure it’s Nevada but I turn and see that it’s Skylar.


“I heard what you said to him,” he states, “You could have been a little more sensitive to him, you know?  His father just died.”

Skylar was annoying.  Annoying as all shit.  He was that one fucking guy that just was around.  If he wasn’t Vick’s brother he wouldn’t be cool enough to be in my circle or even around my circle.  Hell, it was bad enough I had to put up with bummy ass Louvell.  At least Louvell was popular and somewhat likable as a person.  Skylar was just like nails on a fucking chalkboard.

“Honey…fuck off..”  I state putting on my sunglasses.

“You have been lying to him.  Haven’t you.  Don’t you think he deserves to know the truth?  That his ‘fake’ uncle who he likes even more than his real uncle was fucking his dad?  You think Vick is going to keep dicking you down if his son finds out how fucked up this whole situation is.”

I stop walking.

“That’s a threat?”

“Of course not.  I’m sure you wouldn’t care if you lost Vick.  Because Khyree satisfies you so much…right?”

He’s saying it sarcastically.  I don’t know whether to be offended or completely amused that Skylar had somewhat of a backbone.  This guy was literally here threatening me.  I look back at him.

“What do you want?”

“What do you mean what do I want?  Who says I want anything?” Skylar asks.

“Because if you didn’t want something you would have already said something to Nevada,” I realize, “So lets cut the shit.  What your price?”

I look at Skylar.  He may have had Vick thinking he was some innocent guy who was just heartbroken about Indigo dying but he’d never been a fan of Indigo.  I knew how to hide my emotions and I was in somewhat pain.  I also knew when someone was faking.  Skylar was fucking faking.

“Indigo’s gone.  You are well known in DC,” Skylar states, “You’re going to need someone around you.  You’re going to need to replace Indigo.”

I give Skylar a look.

That’s what his play was.  He wanted to be good with me.  Of course.  I should have known. Everyone wanted to be good with Jean.  Everyone wanted the secret sauce.  They felt like the closer they get to the ‘boy in the picture’ the more they’ll be like him.

And honey.

I WAS the boy in the picture.

“I’ll text you,” I state, “We’ll hang out and…oh…Skylar?”


“When you hang out with me you need to lose the gym bunny workout outfits.  At least try to pretend like you have some style.”


The funeral takes place later on that week.  At first, I think it’s all a joke.  You know.  It’s impossible that he is really doing this.  This was all some horrible prank that Indigo was pulling to try to be funny.  I don’t know how many times I had to tell him he was horrible at making jokes.

It isn’t until I walk up to his body.

I see him laying there.

I realize that he’s dead.  He’s not moving.  Never.  He’s just looking back at me.

And then I collapse.  I swear I faint.  Or maybe I just get hysterical.  The next thing I notice is that I am back in my seat with Skylar fanning me.

“I’ll get you some water…are you OK?” he asks me.

“I’ll be fine.”

“Stay here.  I’ll get you some water.”

I lean over.  This was really happening.  The motherfucker really killed himself.  WHO FUCKING DOES THAT!  I don’t fucking get it.  I don’t get any of it.  I sit there and I’m just fucking shocked looking at him wondering what the fuck all of this was about.

“You OK?” a voice states.

I turn around and notice Louvell standing there.  He walks up over to me.  I lean back.

“You saw that?”

“You know your dramatic ass made sure everyone saw you faint,” he states.

“You think I’m faking it?”

Louvell sits next to me rolls his eyes and crosses his arms, “No.  You meant it.  Probably comes from you pretending like Indigo’s death isn’t hitting you like a ton of bricks.  You know irritating ass Skylar won’t replace him, right?”

“Who says Skylar is trying to replace him?”

“I know you.  You have been hanging around a lot.  Indigo wasn’t just your water boy though.  He was your actual friend.”

Louvell and I had an understanding.  It was an understanding that I didn’t quite get, but it was always there.  Maybe that’s why Indigo and I always kept him around.  For some reason he understood us.  Even if at times he didn’t fit in.  He tired, of course, but he just didn’t.

“He was yours as well.  How you been taking it?”

Louvell turns down.  He looks over at Vick and Nevada.  Vick is completely helpless at that moment.  I don’t think anyone in this funeral thinks Vick was capable of breaking down the way he was.  That shit was a real pain. That shit was really fucking regret.  I hated it.  I don’t know why.  Of course, he should feel bad.  Of course, he should be fucking cry.  But this?  The wailing.  The acting as though someone was slowly cutting off your own arm from your body?  What kind of shit was this?

I guess I wasn’t any better.  I fucking fainted.  Still.  This was fucking Vick.

“Shade is pissed that you guys didn’t let him pay for the funeral.”

At that moment he goes from looking from Vick to turning to the back of the funeral home.  Sure enough by the ushers there he was.  This fucking guy Shade again.

“You brought him here, Louvell?” I ask.

“He wanted to pay his respects.”

“You want Vick to kill both of you THAT bad?” I ask him, shaking his head, “Is that what you want.  A casket next to him.”

Louvell gets quiet.  For some reason, I don’t think he’s worried about Vick.

“Shade wants to meet with you, Skylar, me and Vick.  He wants to know how this happened.  He wants to know what led this to happen.”

I look at him.

“Bitch you joking right?”

Louvell isn’t joking, “No.”

I laugh anyway, “Bitch, I think you joking.  Who the fuck is this man to come in here demanding motherfucking questions?  What is he?  The fuckin moral police.  Go tell Shade something for me hunny.  Tell him he can kiss my whole ass hole.”

I cross my legs and roll my eyes so hard that I think I go into another dimension.

“You don’t want me to tell him that.”

That’s when I see it.

I swear I see Louvell is shaking.  It isn’t a normal type of shaking either.  He’s shaking almost like he’s fucking scared.  The guy is terrified.

“Louvell…what is going on with you?   Are you sweating?”

“I’m fine.”

I grab Louvell’s wrist.  I hold it still.  Sure enough, my fucking friend was sitting there shaking like he was having a goddam seizure.  He was shaking like Muhammed Ali or some shit.  He was shaking like the guy from Back to the Future.  What in all fuck was happening?  I can hear his breathing changing at that moment.

We turn almost in unison to the back of the church.

Shade.  Still.  Looking.  Watching.

“You’re terrified of him.  Tell him to get the fuck out of here.”

“You should just do what he wants us to do.  We all should…”

“Fuck out of here,” I state, “If he wants to threaten me then it’ll all be an issue.”

“Baby is everything OK?”

Just at that moment, I notice Khyree walk over.  He’s with Skylar.  He’d been outside talking to Martin when I was looking at the body.  I’m sure Skylar brought him back after telling me about the whole fainting thing.

“No actually I’m not fucking OK,” I state.

“Don’t…” Louvell warns me.

I look over at Khyree, “There is a guy over there that is fucking threatening me and scaring the fuck out of Louvell.  Him.  Right there.”

“Maybe we should call the cops.”

“The cops?” I ask, “Stop being a fuckin pussy Khyree.  Honestly.  I might as well go get Vick.”

It’s embarrassing really, especially because Skylar has Martin.  Martin would have gone to check a nigga who was fucking with Skylar.  My goddam husband was only good to be looked at.

The mere mention of Vick definitely makes Khyree realize he needs to grow some ball quick.

“No.  I’ll handle it.”

Louvell tries to grab at him, “Don’t…”

Khyree is on fire now.  He’s heated.  I smile feeling almost turned on when he pushes Louvell off of him so hard that Skylar has to catch Louvell.  I’ve never been so turned on by Khyree then he walks right up to Shade.  There is no fear in his eyes.  He’s a lion at that moment.  He’s a lion who is pissed off that someone was fucking with me.  And I was here for it.

I’m so here for it that I cross my arms and walk right up to Shade with Khyree standing there.  A couple people in the back of the church notice what’s happening and how tense it is when Khyree approaches him.

“Is there a problem?” Khyree asks.

Shade doesn’t answer.

I snap my finger, “Did you hear him?  My man asked you if there was a fucking problem.”

Shade looks right past us.  It’s as though he could barely see us.  It pisses me off.  He has a punchable fucking face.  He’s so damn cocky and conceited.

“No,” Shade states.

It’s cold, distant and remote almost like he had recorded the message on a voicemail and just press play.

“I’m going to need you to stop looking at my husband…”

“And stay away from Louvell too,” I add in.

Louvell is there in a matter of seconds.  This motherfucker shows up so quick.  It’s like we rubbed a fucking lantern and a genie pops out.  Louvell has that same look of fear in his eyes.  The same lost fucking dog coming back to his master after the master just beat whooped it for peeing on the rug.  That’s the look that Louvell has on his face.

“I never said that sir,” Louvell states.


What in all fuck?

Was Louvell into some sort of BDSM or something?  Had Indigo talked him into that freak shit?  He was over here calling this guy sir and shit.

“Well he’s going to stay away from you,” I state, “And you’re going to stop motherfucking showing up at shit you wasn’t invited to…before Khyree FUCKS your ass up.”

I look over at Khyree.  I give him an honest look.  The kind of look that tells him he better man up if he didn’t want a letter asking for a divorce next week.  Khyree gets the message loud and fucking clear.

“You hear him?” Khyree asks.

Shade doesn’t answer.

Nothing.  Nothing at all.

“Come on baby,” I say, “I think he gets the message.”

I grab Khyree’s hand.  I look over at Louvell.  I swear I see a tear in his eye at that moment.  He looks like he wants to sit there and explain things to this fucking weirdo but I won’t give him the chance.  I grab Lou by his collar and luckily Skylar is so down to help me and kiss my ass now that he literally helps drag Lou away.


“We’re riding in the family car,” I tell Lou and Skylar.

“Is there room?” Skylar asks.

“They better make room for us.  We are the best friends,” I respond, “C`mon Lou.”

Lou is out of it.  He has been the rest of the service.  I am beginning to strongly assume that the guy is on drugs.  It had to be with the death of Indigo.  I wouldn’t be surprised if Vick was on drugs as well.  When we get in the family car it’s irritating to see how upset Vick is.  I don’t know why it upsets me.  Maybe it’s just the realization of how hurt he is about Indigo dying.  I knew that Vick wasn’t mine…by law.  But he was always just that person there.  I’d introduced him to Indigo in hopes to keep him there, for me.  But he’d really fallen in love.

“He’s gone,” Vick is saying, “He’s really gone…”

I look over at Nevada.  He’s comforting his dad.  It’s kind of sad.  Fuck it.  OK.  It’s really fucking sad.  I just sigh a little bit fighting back the tears again and taking a deep breath.  I look outside the window.

That’s when I see it.


A car slams into us!  The impact is something that the rest of us are shocked by.  We sit there dazed and confused as the collision happens.  Nevada is bleeding after hitting his head on the glass.  Lou has fallen into the aisle of the stretch limousine.  The family car has a huge dent in it.

“Is this motherfucker blind?” I’m screaming.

Then I see who it is.

“It’s him,” Lou states from the ground.

The person backs up.  I make eye contact with the driver.  I look right into his eyes.  I see who it is.

That’s when the person rams back into the car.

That’s when Shade rams back into the funeral car.