I am looking up at my best friend. We were in a strange situation. One where I happened to be on my bed with my legs in the air, my jeans to my ankles and my underwear creviced deep into the seat of my asshole. On the other end of that thin fabric is my best friend. He’s looking down at me with a perplexed look in his eyes ready to make a decision on what is going to happen from here.
I’m urging him on. He was just joking until now. His pearly white teeth were smiling wildly. Now that smile had faded and there was only heavy breathing between us now and every few seconds me slowly squeezing my ass cheeks around his dick. It felt good to him…even if he was straight, I knew it. I could imagine it. I’d stuck my dick in things. Things that didn’t move. Things that didn’t feel good. So this had to feel good to him, right? Even if he wasn’t attracted to me. This had to feel good.
“Stop kidding around,” is his response.
And that’s when he pulls out. He breathes heavy. Him taking it out felt just as good as him putting it in. I can see his eyes close, wondering if that was the same thing.
And something strange happens.
He opens his eyes and ours connect. I wonder if he can see it when he opens his eyes back up. I wonder if he can feel the longing in them.
My eyes screaming to him, “Fuck me…”
And that’s when he does it. He moves my underwear off to the side with two fingers and shoves his dick into my asshole raw. The precum makes a hard loud squish as he gets a few inches in, gasps and then shoves all 10 inches of dick into me. I am squeezing the sheets trying not to scream when I realize that Gato—my best fucking friend in the world has his dick in me.
All of a sudden reality hits me. This was Gato. My best friend. This wasn’t some random guy who I could explore with. This wasn’t even someone like Elias. This was my world. This was my best friend and I had just allowed him to put his dick in me.
“Oh my god…” I hear Gato saying.
He seems just as horrified as I am when it hits us what just happened. We both look down and I can tell we’re both realizing the fucking line that this was just about to cross. All of a sudden Gato comes to the realization that this can’t happen.
And I agree.
He pulls out of me completely jumps up and starts adjusting himself. He’s laughing. Not the natural laughing from before but like some sort of forced laugh as though holding onto the fact that I may somehow believe everything that just happened including him putting his raw dick all the way up inside of me was some sort of boys-will-be-boys joke. I’m not laughing though. I’m not laughing because it wasn’t an accident. None of it was.
His dick was INSIDE of me. Like deep.
And the worst part…
It felt amazing.
“Shit I just remembered,” he states, “I was supposed to pick up Nina for that thing. Yo—you were supposed to remind me to remember?”
“Oh yeah, that thing!”
I had no idea what he was talking about and half sure there was no reminder supposed to happen because there was no ‘thing’ but it didn’t matter. We were both in agreement this moment had become much too serious, much too fast. And we didn’t want to be around each other right now.
He walks out. He doesn’t look back and I didn’t chase after him. I laid on the bed. The only thing I’m thinking about is that it would have been OK if he had pulled out even after accidentally sliding in me and taking forever to pull out. This was different though.
He moved my underwear over. He went inside of me. He pushed inside of me raw. Just once. Not multiple times until we fall over in sweat and admit our love to one another. Not even just a few times until he nutted, broke down and cried. Or not even long enough to nut and let me know this was all a mistake.
I was in limbo.
This had changed my friendship forever.
“Can I try the platanos?”
I’m back at work, today more at the tables than the bar. It’s because Raisin Bran was out which wasn’t so much of a big surprise. He was probably home high as hell knowing him.
I smile at the client when I notice that Gato is back on Edges. It’s been a week since I’ve seen Gato. I’ve texted him a few times but he hasn’t text me back. I wasn’t sure where he was staying either. He had clothes at my house and even a toothbrush but knowing Gato he could get more stuff at any time. Again he was putting me in limbo. I didn’t understand where we stood even with him staying with me.
“Sure,” I smile back.
I am heading towards him and seem surprised, “You’re back.”
He laughs, “Of course. I took the raise. Besides after I beat Elias’s ass I doubt he’s going to keep messing with me.”
There is no mention of the alleged rape. There is no mention of what happened afterward between us. He just pats me on the shoulder as though I was some normal guy on the streets. Normally by now, he would have given me a hug. We’d gone days without speaking to each other before but normally after it would be non-stop talk to catch us up on each other’s lives.
That wasn’t happening either.
“So how have things been since last time…” I state.
I don’t know what I’m looking for. I don’t know what I want him to say. He seems to struggle for a second too. I see him switching up his face from smug to smile and back before finally managing to spit out a few words.
“Been at Nina’s. Fucking her brains out.”
It was crude. It wasn’t the womanizer that I knew even. It was as though he was just trying to get those words out to make a point. But what was the point? What could it possibly be? The fact that he was interested in the vagina still?
“I get it.”
My voice stutters. I notice Gato not looking at me in my eyes.
“Well, I should go.”
“Can we hang out?”
There is a pause.
He heard me. I knew he heard because we’re close enough to one another that he should hear me. He wants to act like he doesn’t though. We give each other a slow look and he takes a step back.
“We haven’t hung out in a week,” I state, “I miss you and I want to just hang out with my best friend.”
I throw all the safety words in there. “Just” hang out. “Best Friend”. Anything to make him feel somewhat comfortable with what I’m trying to invite him to.
He seems to finally sigh a relief, “After work today, let’s go get something to eat.”
“I’d like that.”
I walk away hoping that this was our way of fixing the awkwardness. I didn’t want to lose my best friend over something so stupid as an awkward moment we had. Boys had awkward moments. Growing up there were always weird little gay things that happened between us. Maybe the problem was that we weren’t really boys anymore, were we?
We were grown.
And maybe that’s why I can’t take my eyes off of him as he’s working the diner. The way that his shirt fit his arms. Gato was fine. He always got the most tips at the restaurant even when he irritated guys by flirting with his girlfriends. He was such a womanizer. And I saw exactly what they saw in him. He could heat up Antartica. Sexy, smart, witty, charming, muscular and sweet.
I want to see that smile over and over. I want to see that smile for the rest of my life.
“It’s amazing isn’t it?” I heard a voice state.
I turn and see Devin standing there. He must have seen me looking over at Gato because he interrupts me with a knowing smile. I don’t return the smile. I hustle around trying to find something to do so that I can get away from him.
“Don’t know what you’re talking about…”
“Falling for someone,” Devin states, “Even someone you’ve known you’re whole life but just realizing that crazy “what if”?”
“What if two straight guys fell in love? You’re a wild one, Devin…”
“Am I?” he asks, “It’s a different world. What if your soulmate was your best friend this entire time? What if something made it possible for you to find happiness in a way that you normally wouldn’t have? Would you take that opportunity?”
He freaks me out when he asks that question.
“Yo fuck off—weirdo…” is my response.
Normally I wouldn’t speak to Dein like that. He must have known that because he walks off nodding as though understanding. He didn’t understand though. He couldn’t possibly understand. Devin was born gay. Whatever was happening to me here wasn’t natural. Something had happened to me. I liked vagina. Hell, fuck that. I LOVED vagina.
Why the hell was I thinking about men?
And even worse than thinking about men was the man who I couldn’t get my mind off of. I rathered anyone. Anyone except for Gato?
That’s when Elias walks in as though some sort of sign. He hadn’t been to the restaurant. He was taking some time off probably from the beating that Gato had given him. I look at Gato and notice Gato’s eyes stalk Elias from the entrance all the way towards me where Elias aims.
“Elias…” Olivia starts.
“Not now,” Elias responds
Elias bluntly almost waves Olivia away at that moment. I know it’s rude but it’s clear he has come in here for a mission.
“Why?” he asks.
“Why’d you protect me?” he asks, “What I did was beyond disrespectful. It was almost like I couldn’t control it. It was almost like l needed to be near you.”
“Come on…follow me.”
I take him to the back. People were looking at him. I didn’t want to make a scene. Elias showing back up at the restaurant was weird. I wondered how much the staff knew about what happened that night. Usually when people knew too much information is when they don’t ask. All you get is weird stares and awkward smiles when people knew too much and the way people were acting made me sure that was the case.
“I hate myself for what I did to you,” Elias states, “I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I can’t—-”
“Pull your dick out…”
Elias is confused. I’m not though. I know just what I need. People used to call me Gato’s cure. What about my cure? Who was my cure from the virus known as my feelings for Gato?
“Pull your dick out. I want you to fuck my throat? Do you hear me, Elias? Fuck my throat. Don’t let me come up for air. Push it as far as you can until I gag and spit up all over your dick. Then cum. Cum all down my throat. Can you do that for me?”
He looks at me as though that was the last thing he was expecting. That’s when I see him looking hard at me. His finger scales the sides of my lips. He opens them up. He puts them in my mouth and lets me suck all over them. Putting them deep in corners of my mouth as though stretching it out.
“Make sure you swallow me….baby…”
I arrive late at the restaurant that he told me to meet him at. He’s standing outside when I get there seeming irritated.
“You’re 40 minutes late.”
“Elias got lost.”
Gato’s face gets serious. He looks like he has a million questions. That was until I realize that we aren’t alone. I notice two girls come outside of the restaurant to greet me. Nina and Michelle. I look back at Gato. Really?
“I didn’t know you had more people coming to dinner with us…”
“I didn’t know you were back on good terms with Elias.”
There’s a level of awkwardness even after the girls start talking to us. I’m at least trying to keep up with them but Gato, on the other hand, isn’t putting up so sweet of a front. His face had been stone cold since I told him that Gato was the one who dropped me off. A part of me feels like he can almost smell the sex on me, but then maybe I’m being a bit dramatic.
“Is everything OK?” Michelle asks.
I think she’s talking about how awkward it is between me and Gato. It’s really awkward. Gato isn’t speaking.
“What are you referring to?”
Michelle shrugs, “You haven’t been calling me lately. Are you still interested in me right? Don’t tell me you got the Phase…”
She means it as a joke. Only the girls laugh though. Gato is playing with his fork. The fact that neither girl can see that he is steaming in his seat is clear that they don’t know him. They don’t know him as I do.
“JD is too much of a man to get the Phase,” Nina states.
Nina is clearly with Gato. I’m heated when I feel her foot sliding up my leg underneath the table. I’m heated. Beyond heated that she would flirt in front of Gato like that. I hate the idea that she would disrespect him like that.
“It’s awful. This lady I know at the beauty salon got it,” Michelle explains, “Then she started forcing herself on another hair stylist…”
“Like raping?” Gato asks sparking interest.
Michelle shrugs, “Yeah I guess…”
Gato shakes his head, “Funny, isn’t JD? This is the 2nd time we’ve heard about someone being aggressive when they were in the Phase…but maybe the other hair stylist ‘wanted’ it.”
He’s clearly referring more towards my situation with Elias.
“If the girl was aggressive it was because of the Phase. She was out of her right mind.”
“JD has a point,” Nina states.
She is acting like a school girl. He leg is still going up my thigh. She hasn’t taken her eyes off of me since we were at the table. Above the table, she is all over Gato and underneath the table, she is all over me.
“Just because he wasn’t in his right mind doesn’t make him any less dangerous to society,” Gato argues.
“Him? It’s a girl,” Michelle interrupts.
“Gato knows that,” I assure Michelle, “He just likes to see the world through Gato’s eyes. Fuck what everyone else has to say.”
“All I want to do is protect my best friend,” Gato explains, “I want you to be OK and I think he needs to act a little smarter.”
“Do you guys need some time?” Michelle asks.
“Maybe some time alone,” Nina suggests, “I’ll take JD and Michelle you can take Gato…”
“I actually got to go to the bathroom.”
I get away from him. It was just getting too heated. I wasn’t even all mad at Gato. I was more mad about the fact that the girl was back there playing him right to his face. I wasn’t going to let some girl try to get over on my best friend. Sure Gato wasn’t perfect but he was mine. He was all we had. There was no way in hell I was going to let her treat him like that.
I had to tell him.
I had to tell him exactly who Nina was.
But how? How when I had slept with her. He’d hate me. He’d never trust me.
I close my eyes, “Gato I have to tell you something.”
That doesn’t work. More serious. More to the point.
“Gato, there is something you need to know…”
“Good because there is something you need to know as well,” he states.
We both look at each other. It’s kind of awkward because we aren’t really sure where we are from here.
“What?” I ask.
“You go first.”
He seems nervous. He couldn’t possibly be as nervous as me though. Maybe it was best that I go in first then. I’m standing there feeling uncomfortable as I look over at him.
“I want you to break up with Nina,” he states.
He’s interested. His face getting very intent on what I was about to say. I know it was dumb to just spit it out like that but I think it was necessary.
“She’s not right for you,” I assure him, “I know because. Well, we got really drunk and we…had sex.”
There was nothing.
I keep talking, hoping to soften the blow a little bit, “I was so fucked up and I didn’t even know what the hell was going on. I just did it. Didn’t even remember but since then she has been all over me. She wouldn’t even let me forget…”
I can’t read his expression. He just seems blank. I know he’s upset. I can see it because I knew him. I don’t want him to be upset though. I want to change the subject. Something else. Anything else than to hurt this person I care about so much.
“What about what you had to say to me?”
He looks at me and his face is all cold as though distant from me completely. Then he just nods and says, “It isn’t important.”
“Sure it is,” I tell him.
“No, it’s not,” He states, “What I was going to say was going to be to someone who I knew. I was going to say something to someone I trusted. I was going to say something to someone who wouldn’t hurt me. You clearly aren’t that person.”
He was mad. He was really mad and I should have addressed it when I felt it without trying to beat around the bush.
He walks out of the room, ignoring me as I scream after him.
I run into the girls on the way out. They slow me down from trying to get to Gato. He was the only one I was concerned about right now. I had hurt him. I had hurt him really bad this time.
“Where’s Gato?” Nina asks.
“Gone. I told him about you feeling me up under the fucking table. Told him about what happened between us.”
Michelle looks mad. Anyone else would have been aware of the fact that Michelle had feelings for me or even the fact that once I thought I had feelings for her too. I didn’t know though so even when she starts talking angrily at Nina and me, I don’t pay attention.
What I do hear though is Nina angrily looking over at me, “OK we slept together, but I was NOT the one playing with your leg underneath the table.”
I look over at Michelle. Michelle shakes her head too.
It wasn’t Michelle either.
I turn at that moment ignoring the girls.
And one question comes up in my head.
What did Gato want to tell me? And now that he hated me, would I ever know?