The drive to the party was probably the most awkward ever. Porter didn’t say anything to me. He just kept his eyes on the road driving slowly but I knew there was something up. I could feel his presence watching me even though he wasn’t.
“You don’t want to go to this damn party, do you?”
He’d been thinking about it. I could tell he’d been thinking about it. His eyes looked completely blank as he stared back over towards me.
“Porter, save me the speech ok?”
He seemed to get mad that I had said it like that because all of a sudden he pulled over. Porter had this real “my way or the highway mentality” going on. I could smell it all over him. Hell, saying what I had to say never really bothered me before anyway, regardless of the consequences. I didn’t think I had walking sneakers on though in case he did kick me out.
“Syn you’re a good guy.”
“I said, I think you’re a good guy.”
“You obviously don’t know me very well than Porter,” I explained crossing my arms and staring out the window.
I don’t know what I was looking for. I guess the lights to the party. I guess the music. I didn’t have a plan. Then again, did I ever have a plan? Why make plans in a world like this? The world threw random bullshit at me so I decided.
Hey, why not throw random bullshit back.
“I can see it,” he explained and then suddenly he did something that I didn’t quite expect Porter to do.
He put his hand on my leg.
It stayed there. Our eyes connected. At that moment, I felt something. Maybe it was…I don’t know. I didn’t want to make false inferences, because I wasn’t that type of fag. The fag who thought everyone was hitting on them because they had too much low self-esteem to realize people hardly recognize their existence. I wasn’t that fag, but right now…right now I felt like there was something he was trying to say but it wasn’t coming out.
“Porter,” I stated, “You can call a kettle black. You wasn’t the first one to try and see something in me that wasn’t really there…”
“No I wasn’t, was I? He was…wasn’t he?”
He was talking about Sampson. He had removed his hand from my thigh. He put it back on the steering wheel. His eyes didn’t connect to mine.
“Yes. I loved him.”
He shook his head, “I understand completely, but love happens you know. You fall in love and then you break up.”
“No, that isn’t what happens!” I shouted out.
I shouted it kind of louder than I thought I would have. I didn’t know my own voice at the time really. I don’t know why the hell I did it. Why the hell was he getting me all shook up over nothing?
“Drop it Porter. You aren’t Steve Fucking Wilkins. I don’t have to explain anything to you. Damn it, why do you even care?”
“Why do you feel like you are above the laws?”
“Because I worked on it. I didn’t want to open my heart. I went out of my way not to open my heart. He told me I could trust him, Porter. After years of hiding from love, I opened my heart and let him in. And he breaks it. Like this. And this time, he’s serious. It isn’t a bad dream. Is all that what the fuck you want to hear? You want to feel sorry for me now?”
“Don’t FEEL SORRY FOR ME! Not until I’m done breaking my dishes. I’m NOT done yet.”
I got to the party with Porter on my mind. The weird moment we had in the car just kept rolling on over and over. Porter didn’t say anything when we got the party. Hell, he parked his car and completely walked away from me as if we hadn’t arrived together at all. I guess it was awkward for him too. Or maybe he just didn’t want to be seen with me. Either way, I didn’t blame him.
I walked out of the car and looked at the house. It was a reasonably sized modern loft. I looked over at the driveway, which was empty. It was clear though that an expensive car usually sat there. I knew Dani and Angelina had come from some bit of money.
I turned around to see Khan. He was there with one of his nameless little computer geek friends. They were standing up against the wall.
I rolled my eyes at him before walking away from him and into the house. I was pissed. I had a right to be. He was supposed to be a friend of mine. Why the hell would he hide a party from me? Where I was from, that was betrayal.
I felt him at my back though and then he swung me around.
“Syn, what the hell, didn’t you hear me calling you?”
“Khan I thought you were smart enough to know when someone was ignoring you,” I replied, turning away from him.
I walked into the kitchen. That was where the liquor was. I needed some. The kitchen was pretty nice. The party was actually crowded. I wouldn’t think less for someone like Dani. She was Ms. Popular. She was Ms. Fame. She had to be on the top of everyone’s list. She was a dramatic lame ass bitch stuck in a chick flick when urban popularity still mattered.
“Aren’t you going to even talk to me?” Khan asked following me into the kitchen.
That was when I noticed someone very familiar. It was an Alpha. He was friends with all those other fraternity motherfuckers that had released that video of Sampson and I. Oh…great. I watched him put his liquor bottle on the counter. I turned away from Khan and to the liquor bottle. He had set it down to go to the fridge and get some ice. I picked it up. Patron. I downed half the bottle, gobbling it up without a chaser or anything.
When he turned around he looked at me in my face with this poutty look, “Yo what the FUCK!”
Khan went up to the guy, “Look I’m so sorry. I’ll buy you another. My friend. He’s just having a bad day that’s all.”
“Am I embarrassing you Khan?”
I walked out of the room. There were so many victims. Everyone in the party just seemed to be having the best of times. There was a corner where all these guys were sitting around smoking blunts and then on the other side was more of the social area. That was where all the dancing and heavy flirting and talking was going on.
“Syn, you just got here 2 minutes ago and you are already causing a scene.”
Before he even finished what he was saying the guy whose liquor I drank came up and pushed Khan from the back. He pushed him kind of hard, sending Khan stammering into me.
“I want my liquor now.”
Khan shook his head, “I’ll get you a bottle.”
“Here let me talk to him Khan,” I stated.
“Syn, please, please, please, please, PLEASE stay over there. Oh my god,” Khan pressed, waving me off like I was a kid or something.
I looked at him like he was crazy. He had to be fucking crazy. Him and this Alpha guy kept going back and forth. I guess they were working something out. I looked around. I knew exactly who the hell I was looking for. I was looking for Sampson. I just wanted to see him. I wanted to ask him, one more time if he was sure he didn’t want to work on us anymore. I just couldn’t believe someone just changed their mind like that.
“I WANT my fucking liquor!” I heard the guy scream.
“Yo, Khan let me just talk to him,” I stated.
Khan handed me his martini glass, “Syn, take this, drink this and go sit over there. I’ll just talk to this guy for a second.”
He turned back to the guy after handing me the martini. This guy was serious. These people fucking sickened me to my stomach. They were so materialistic. I had drank his liquor that he had worked so hard on buying. I had just completely fucked up his night. Now I had to pay for it. It was their concept of fair. This liquor to this man meant the world to him! He couldn’t give a fuck about anything else. He just needed this liquor and he would probably hurt me if I didn’t give it to him. Hell, at this moment, his liquor was equal to my life.
And you know what I thought about this?
“I don’t want your money. Let your friend talk to me,” the guy had stated, moving Khan aside, “He drank my liquor. HE needs to pay me back for it.”
He came in my face, completely pushing Khan to the side. Not only was his liquor more important than me. No. His liquor was more important than Khan as well. Oh, this liquor was going to be an issue. I could tell now.
“Here, let me give you back your liquor,” I stated.
I took the martini and splashed it in his face. The olive even when flying at him. The cup wasn’t even all that full, but I guess it was the concept that mattered most, because he was PISSED. His eyes got red and everything. I could see a couple people back away to avoid the splash of liquor against them.
I could see the DJ skip and scratch the CD all of a sudden. Then I could see Khan. Oh he thought I was going to embarrass him. He had no idea.
“SYN!” Khan said.
I could see his face getting a beat red.
That was when I saw him. Nyno! It was the first time I noticed him since he had played the hell out of me and set up a video cam in my room to videotape Sampson and I having sex. He had walked up to his Alpha friend.
“Brother, you ok?” Nyno asked him.
“I’m bout to beat the fuck out of this motherfucker.”
Nyno turned around and saw who he was talking to. A smile spread across his face. I noticed he wasn’t alone. The other Alphas were with him as well. They had rolled in kind of deep. I could almost smell the nervousness from Khan at that moment.
“Syn you still alive motherfucker? Thought you’d be under a rock somewhere.”
“I’m not your brain, bitch.”
“Oh you cracking jokes.”
“I don’t crack just, I just speak it how it is,” I stated.
A scene was coming about. I could tell. People had turned around. Oh and I loved it of course. A smile had spread across my face. I had to admit though, Nyno was carrying his own. He didn’t seem intimidated at all. He didn’t seem like he was being taken out of his comfort level. He was really just as composed as I was.
Then again, he did have a whole group of fraternity brothers behind him.
“I’m going to enjoy bashing your head in.”
“Whoa whoa whoa!” I heard a voice say.
It was Dani. She was walking up. I could see her shaking her weave like it was nobodies business. The amount of extensions she had in was ridiculous. She had money pinned to her shirt as well.
“This is MY party. We are not having this at MY party. Now I love you Alphas, but NOT in my party. You guys respect my party, I’ll respect yours. Khan, YOU need to control your friend. What the fuck?”
The Alphas gave me bad looks. I heard one of them say something to the better of, “We’ll catch that motherfucker slipping…”
Something like that. I wasn’t quite sure. This had went back into the crowd though, back towards the corner where most of the straight looking guys were smokinig weed and cracking jokes and being the college boys they knew how to be.
I didn’t fit into the college scene. I could just tell. They didn’t have a category for me yet.
That was when I heard Angelina’s voice, “Syn, what are you doing here?”
“Causing trouble, duh,” Dani stated.
“Dani, not right now,” Angelina told her sister before turning back to me, “Syn, talk to me, why are you here.”
“Didn’t you hear what your sister say?” I asked, “She’s right.”
Angelina rolled her eyes. I could see that her and Khan were both very embarrassed by me. I definitely loved it. I could see Dani storming off. She couldn’t believe the spotlight would be off of her at her own party. She couldn’t have that!
“Has he been drinking?” Angelina asked Khan.
“I’m right the fuck here. You can ask me.”
“Well have you been drinking?”
That was when I heard a voice, “I spent so much time hoping I would never see someone like Syn drunk. He’s hard enough to deal with when he’s sober.”
It was Quan.
“What the hell do you want?” Khan asked him, “He’s already in a bad mood. WE have to deal with him after this, you don’t.”
“I just wanted to talk to Syn. I wanted to apologize.”
“I don’t want your fucking apology.”
“Oh you are going to like this one…if you just follow me to the backrooms.”
“The back? No, he’s not going back there,” Angelina said in a rattled tone, “He said he doesn’t want you apologizing to him, so leave him alone.”
The way she jumped in all of a sudden was…well…suspicious.
“Oh now all of a sudden you two are his friends?” Quan asked and laughed, “So I bet you didn’t tell him huh?””
“Tell me what?” I asked.
“The reason why the big word around campus was to not let you know about this party.”
Angelina shook her head, “Quan we had a deal.”
“Fuck the deal, sweetheart,” Quan said and laughed.
“Quan…don’t do this,” Khan added in.
“Follow me if you want to find out what the big secret is.”
I could feel Khan trying to pull me back but I pulled away. Quan started to lead me back towards the back of the house. Khan didn’t follow me and neither did Angelina. They just kind of stood there with their heads down.
Quan led me to the backroom. Then he stopped, “I’ll be waiting out here in the hallway. It’s that room, right back there.”
The hallway was black. It was real dark. It was kind of scary to be honest with you. The music only trailed softly back here. I crept through back towards the darkness.
My heart raced as I went. Every part of me was anxious. I thought they didn’t want me over here because they felt like I was embarrassed. There was another reason and I didn’t know about. What was it that my so called “FRIENDS” were trying so hard to keep from me anyway. I didn’t get it at all.
I went in opening the door.
I turned the light on right next to the door and heard this moaning noise. It was too late the fact that I realized people were having sex. It was too late to turn back around. I wished I did when I did finally see what I saw.
It was Sampson there.
He was naked. The muscles that had once surrounded me…were surrounding another guy.
The beautiful lips that once kissed all over my body, were kissing another guy.
The stare that he had once reserved only for me was being reserved for another.
And they were saying it to one another, “I love you.”
They kept saying it over and over. Every thrust brought on a stream of dedications. I couldn’t fucking believe it. My heart had started to crack in two.
I felt my heart break.
“Oh…” I heard the boy say as he realized I was at the door. He was the first to realize it. He had gotten up, but naked.
He was handsome. I couldn’t lie. I was sure he was more handsome than I even was. Where I had this plain regular looking guy face, this guy was a fucking model. His face had these distinct features on it. He looked flawless. There was no one ANYONE could deny that this guy was beautiful.
“Shit…” Sampson stated, as he noticed me, “Shit…”
He started to get dressed, pulling up his clothes. The boy, who was at first comfortable standing there naked followed Sampson’s lead.
“Didn’t Quan say that door was locked?” the boy asked Sampson.
Sampson just shook his head and stared at me. We didn’t say anything to each other. It was the most awkward thing in the world. No we didn’t have anything to say to one another. He just got dressed but kept his eyes on me.
“Hurry up Jamel”
Jamel. That was the name of my replacement. My BETTER replacement.
“Do you guys know each other?”
“Jamel. Can we please just leave. PLEASE!”
Sampson didn’t wait for his new boyfriend. He just stormed out of the room. His eyes didn’t look at me as he walked past. He went out of his way trying to avoid me so that we wouldn’t even brush up against each other as he walked past me.
Jamel was right behind him but he did stop, “You could have at least knocked man. You all shocked like you never knew two guys could really be back here having sex huh. It’s new changes in this world.”
New changes was right.
I watched Sampson leave down the hall with the boy. The boy had run up behind him and snuck a kiss before they joined the rest of them.
My eyes were immediately flooding. I couldn’t believe it. Sampson wasn’t just any old guy. He was my soulmate. He was my soulmate for years and here he was macking on some other guy right in my fucking face. He had already completely moved on and I couldn’t believe it. All the things he promised me flooded back to me. All the things I promised him flooded back as well. I felt like I was on the fucking Noah’s ark of emotion.
“Sucks doesn’t it?”
It was Quan. He walked into the room and locked the door behind him. He didn’t say anything. I could see the content in his face. It was clear. He watched me crying and he smiled, but then he did something even more fucked up then smiling.
He walked over to me and he put his fucking arm against mine.
“I hooked them up.”
“You did what?”
I looked at Quan. I pushed him away. He had the worst fucking grin on his face as he tried to reach out for me again. Quan had this look that I knew well. This motherfucker…man…he was crazy. I could see it in his eyes.
“I had to hook them up,” Quan stated, “Don’t you understand? Don’t you know who I am Syn?”
“Yes…you are Athena’s nephew.”
“Yea Syn. We were friends back when we were kids. Remember.”
I remembered well. I used to go see Athena, when my mother we around being the weak cunt she always was. Athena was my mother’s friend. She was my mother’s strong friend. If it wasn’t for her basically raising me, I would have been weak…just like my mother. Athena taught me another way. She taught me that I could get what I wanted out of this world. She taught me that I just had to take it by force.
I wondered if she taught Quan the same things…
“I figured it out a while back Quan, but what I can’t figure out is why you hate me so damn much. Why are you ruining my life?”
“Hate you? Ruin your life?”
“YOU FUCKING HEARD ME!”
“No…you got it all wrong,” Quan stated, “I’m smiling because I’m happy. I’m happy you see the truth. I had to show you what kind of a piece of shit Sampson really was. Don’t you understand? I did this for you?”
‘ He sounded crazy. I backed up a little. The way he was talking wasn’t right. He sounded so… “pressed”. I didn’t know any other way to explain his behavior at that moment. The way he was looking at me was almost like he was looking right through me.
I backed up against the wall, looking at him. If Athena taught Quan half the things she taught me then he was a FORCE to be reckoned with.
“Quan, you lied your way into breaking me and my boyfriend up.”
“Oh yes. The tape, I was behind that too. Who you think gave those dumb ass Alphas the idea to video tape you two? And that day Sampson got attacked out of no where…that was me too.”
“You’re crazy. Oh my god. Like…”
“We’re both crazy,” he stated and took a step towards me, “ I did this for you Syn. You understand. I…I love you.”
“I love you,” Quan stated and smiled, “Ever since Aunt Athena died and I was sent away, I’ve been struggling to come back for you. And when I finally find you…you are with that FUCKING piece of shit. What do you think I should do?”
“Quan, you are a fucking psycho. This is some Norman Bates shit…”
“I did it all for you,” Quan stated, “I did it all for you. Now he is out of the picture Syn. Now me and you can be back together like we were when we were kids.”
“We were never TOGETHER, Quan. We were just friends. Your aunt babysit us.”
“Don’t fucking say that!”
Immediately he punched the wall. He put all his strength into it. His knuckled were bleeding when he brought them back, but he didn’t seem to care at all. Hell, he seemed to have enjoyed it. Then he went about licking his knuckles.
“Listen Boy Interrupted,” I told him, “I don’t see it with you. You fucked up my life single-handedly. I HATE you.”
“Syn please, let me prove to you how much I love you.”
That was when he came at me again.
I started to back up, sliding against the wall and making a dash for the door. I was extremely surprised when he didn’t pursue me. He just let me go but I heard his voice behind me talking.
“No one is going to believe you if you say anything,” he laughed, “It’s only a matter of time before I’m the only thing you have. I’m the only one that you can turn to.”
I went into the hallway.
My head was spinning. Quan had planned Sampson and me breaking up from start to finish. Every little detail that went into it was him. Now Sampson was with some other guy and I was here…with only Quan to turn to.
This was crazy.
I looked over to Sampson before I left the party. Quan was right. Sampson was all wrapped up in this boy. He wouldn’t fucking believe me if I recorded Quan and played it back to him.
I was the one who was conniving. I was the trickster. They would never believe me.
I walked out of the house. I couldn’t be there. The tears would all come back if I stayed in that room. I didn’t even know how the hell I was going to get home. I just started walking, thinking that maybe I’d figure it out. I walked and walked into the darkness. All I could see was Sampson with that boy and all I could hear was Quan’s voice lurking in my head.
No one is going to believe you if you say anything,
No one is going to believe you if you say anything,
No one is going to believe you if you say anything,
“Look who it is?”
I hadn’t even realized I had walked into him. I turned my head up to see Nyno. He wasn’t alone. All these boys were around him. I recognized their faces immediately. They were all Alphas. The same Alphas that Quan had tricked into playing Sampson and my sex tape in front of the whole school. They were here for round 2.
“Think it’s time we teach Syn a lesson,” Nyno suggested.
I held in my stomach, bracing for the worst…