“You’re pregnant?” I asked.
“Nigga you heard me,” she replied sharply looking me in my eyes.
I had sex with her without a condom. The idea that this could possibly be my baby became very real. I had no idea what I was going to do.
I couldn’t do anything but reach out to her at that point. Shauna was sharp though as she grabbed her hand away.
“You could have told me you was gay. If that’s what you wanted to do. You could have told me. That’s all I’m saying. Now I have a baby coming into this world with some dude that like boys? Seriously?”
She was pissed. I could see it in her eyes. I tried to grab her up and keep her there but Shauna was so pissed that she hauled her arm away and beat it down the street before I had the chance to say another word. I was shocked. My heart was racing at that moment. I didn’t know what to think or do.
I was going to be a father.
I looked back over at Miguel. He had heard the whole thing. The only thing that came to my mind as he looked over at me was suspicion. Miguel was suspicious as fuck.
“You gonna explain?” he asked me.
I looked over at him. My heart was racing. How the fuck could I explain to him what this was about?
“You failed to mention that before.”
“Is it a crime?” I asked at that moment.
“You tell me. I don’t know. You hiding the fact that you are bisexual, then what else are you hiding from people?”
He didn’t trust me. Miguel was giving me this look. The look was the most awkward look in the world. I was trying to stay as strong as I could. I had just got caught up in a lie though. I had to find a way out of this situation or my cover would have been completely blown.
The only thing that I could do at this moment was cater to his ego.
“I thought we were getting somewhere man,” I found myself saying, “I mean as trust went at least. I was even going to talk to Shay about backing you up.”
The only thing I could think about was pulling Shay into this. Shay was the only person that got Miguel’s attention away from shit.
“Wait…you would do that for me?”
“I believe in you,” I stated trying my best to make this shit sound legit, “Honestly. You and Shay. That’s a power couple right there. That’s something that I can see.”
Miguel got quiet for a second. I could see him thinking about it. He was pondering things. Before I knew it I saw a smile spread over Miguel’s face.
“You convince Shay to team up with me…you the man. For real.”
Miguel was smiling. His attention was on Shay. Me acting like I wanted them together seemed to really drop his guard.
“I got you man.”
Miguel shook my hand through the window of his car at that moment and nodded at me before pulling up. My heart was racing. I barely got through that.
Everything was changing. Everything and I knew that the stakes were higher than ever now. I had to get out.
I picked up my phone and called the only person I could think of right now, “We need to meet. ASAP!”
I kept it low for the next few days. I stayed in the house. I finally was able to meet Cesar. We met in the back alley of downtown Miami. The street lights were going hard. I could see that Cesar was not alone when he approached me. At first I thought he brought his wife with him but instead I noticed the face of Fidel.
“What the fuck is he doing here?” I asked Cesar, “I told you I wanted to meet you alone.”
“He’s here to help.”
I looked over at this dude Fidel. He looked like a regular hood dude. These guys talked about him all the time like he was some god or something like that. I had to admit Fidel was handsome and he had this little swag to him but they were making him sound like he was the gay Tupac or something. I wondered what the gay community would think if they knew Fidel was alive and actually just a dude in hiding, scared for his life.
I didn’t look too hard at Fidel.
“Man. I don’t need no fucking help. I need out,” I told Cesar.
“Your agents sound like he a little scared,” Fidel stated, “What’s the issue here?”
“Yo who the fuck are you calling scared?” I asked, “Now is NOT the fucking time.”
I was already on edge from Shauna’s news. I would have no problem fighting Shay’s ex boyfriend right here and right now if he got out of place. He stood firm though acting like he wasn’t budged by whatI was say. A smile actually ended up spreading of Fidel’s face.
“I just don’t know how confident I feel in you, to be honest,” Fidel stated.
“Confident? Yo…you got 4, 5 seconds to get out of my face before I spas on you…”
“5…4…3…” Fidel counted down, putting on his smirk. This dude really thought he was some hot shit and he was so tough for whatever. I found myself taking a few steps towards him. I wasn’t surprised when he didn’t step backwards.
My brother Cesar quickly stepped between us at that moment.
“Ok break it up,” Cesar stated, “Nata…Fidel is here because he knows the heads of GOG. He can offer some good insight on them.”
It sounded like snitching. I mean I guess I wasn’t worse but this was my profession. I didn’t trust Fidel. I didn’t like his little smirk and how cocky his attitude was. I didn’t know him but immediately he was rubbing me the wrong way.
“What does he get out of this?”
“We offered him a deal.”
Cesar was being very vague when he said that. I watched how Fidel was avoiding eye contact. It was very strange. I wanted to follow up and ask what kind of deal but I had an idea that my brother wasn’t going to tell me. Cesar always played by the book. That is how he got the job as commissioner in the first place.
I found myself shaking my head, “I can’t do this undercover shit anymore, Cesar. Shauna’s pregnant…”
Cesar looked over at me, “Swear to god?”
“And it’s yours? Are you sure?”
“I mean Shauna might be crazy but she’s not a hoe,” I stated shaking my head, “She’s not a hoe or a liar. She is pregnant.”
“You guys couldn’t even get a legit gay guy to go undercover?” Fidel asked at that moment.
I shrugged, “You know what. I actually agree with this fucking dickhead right now. Maybe you guys need to find someone else to go undercover. I can’t do this. You know what. There is a warehouse that Felix has. It is enough to incriminate him. I gave you guys what you need. Its your move. Miguel knows about Shauna. I was barely able to convince him that I was bisexual. He’s suspicious. I can’t risk her…or the baby. I just…I have to get out…while I can.”
Shit was getting serious.
I looked at Cesar’s facial expression and his lips moved to mouth the words, “It’s too late for that. This is what we’ll do. We’ll get you a different apartment. We’ll tell Shauna we sent out out of town. You’ll have no track to your own life. You’ll go all the way undercover.”
I was pacing at this moment. I didn’t know what I expected more from Cesar. I didn’t know why I expected him to be so understanding. He was my brother after all. I figured he would put my life and my well-being before this fucking job. I guess I was wrong. I found myself pacing back and forward struggling for words to find. By the time I stopped pacing Fidel and Cesar were staring back at me like I was a tomb bomb just waiting to go off.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I asked, “You’re my brother! Kid. My fucking big brother! I’m telling you! I’m in too deep—and you telling me that it’s too late? You telling me his fucking operation is more important than the fact that I’m about to be a father?”
“You agreed to do this. This shit is important.”
“Get someone else.”
“There is no one else. Shay already is into you. You already have your way in.”
“Shay?” Fidel asked.
Things got very awkward at that moment. The way that Cesar had said it seemed very suggestive. The fact that he was saying something like this in front of Shay’s ex lover just proved that Cesar was so far removed from all types off emotions or feelings of any sort.
“How do you know about my relationship with Shay?” I asked Cesar.
“We’ve been monitoring you. We were wondering when you going to let us know that you and Shay have started a physical relationship. Or maybe that’s something that you didn’t want to tell us,” Cesar replied.
Things were so awkward. It wasn’t with Cesar either. It was Fidel. He had gotten super quiet and he was looking at me with this intense look. It was the same intense look that I had given him. It was almost like he was trying to figure me out all of a sudden like I was trying to figure him out. This moment couldn’t have been anymore awkward than it was at that moment.
“You fucking Shay homeboy?” Fidel asked finally.
I paused, “It’s a mutual thing. Believe me.”
Cesar quickly jumped in probably noticing Fidel’s stare as well, “Shay is the way in. Nata you can use Shay to get solid proof on all of them. I don’t just want Felix. I want them all…”
“Wait…our deal was I’d help if there was no Shay involvement,” Fidel stated, “He gets a plea deal.”
“I’ll have to agree. No Shay,” I replied.
“You guys both want to keep him safe?” Cesar asked.
There was silence. I had purposely kept Shay’s name away from mentioning to Cesar. He was monitoring me. What was it? Did he have someone following me around? Had he seen me leaving Shay’s apartment. Did he have something wired of mine where he heard conversations? Cesar was desperate to bring down this gang. I knew that now.
I looked over at Fidel. He was still looking pissed but the mention of Shay had softened him up a little bit. I wondered if after all these years he could still possibly still have feelings for Shay. I wondered if after all these years Shay would have feelings for him if he knew he was alive.
It was Fidel who answered, “I’ll do anything to keep Shay from taking the fall.”
I saw that look in his eyes. Fidel was still in love.
I found myself jumping in almost immediately, “I’d do just about anything too.”
“Good. Nata…you got yourself a new partner. We’ll call it Operation Shay.”
A few days passed when the new operation started to be rolled out. In the meantime I spent a lot of time keeping a low profile. I got a lot of texts from Shay saying things like he missed me. He was saying things like he wanted to spend time with me. I’d dumped my own phone but I was pretty sure Shauna must have been sending texts to that phone as well. Cesar said that he would deal with Shauna. I just hoped he was able to talk to her and make sure she’s good. I just hoped he was able to really let her know that I was at work. I couldn’t afford to almost have my cover blown again.
It was a Friday night when the operation was finally rolled out. Operation Shay. It was the only thing that Fidel and I had in common.
“I don’t understand why we both have to stay here,” Fidel stated.
We had walked into the apartment. It was on the other end of the town. My brother had left me the keys to this place. I hated the whole idea. I didn’t know why I was agreeing to this. The apartment was on the other end of town…far away from where Shauna would be able to find me. I guess that was the only good thing about this. I felt like I should have been there for Shauna though instead of on this job. I felt like a horrible person.
“Let’s just get this over with. The quicker we bring them down the better.”
“What’s this shit?”
“Don’t touch anything,” I found myself telling Fidel.
He was fooling around with some equipment. I knew what the equipment was. Unfortunately my brother had briefed me on what he wanted me to do with Fidel. As I looked at him I knew this was going to be even more awkward to bring up to Fidel.
“What is it?” Fidel asked.
“It’s a…microphone, a monitor and an earpiece. I wear this fitted hat and you’ll be able to see everything I’m doing. I’ll be able to hear everything you’re saying as well.”
“Let me guess…everything’s recorded huh?” he asks.
I rolled my eyes, “What the fuck do you think? I’m an undercover cop. Of course everything is recorded. You’ll be in my ear…helping me out with these guys. You know them better than I can so Cesar thinks you’ll be able to help. Trust me. It’s not my idea.”
Fidel shook his head at that moment, “So what…you get to go out and I’m stuck in this house hiding.”
“Haven’t you been hiding for years. Not much difference huh?” I asked.
“Oh, you got jokes. Little man.”
He was a saying that as though we weren’t around the same height.
“I got truth. They think you’re dead. I’d like to keep it that way.”
Fidel looked over at me with and raised his eyebrow at that moment. I hated the way he was looking at me. Cesar wasn’t here to keep me away from him now. Every part of me really just wanted to fight him one good time but I held myself back. I had to be professional about this. I was a cop after all. This was my job. If I took down GOG I would be able to provide for the child that I was having. I was able to make these streets of Miami a little safer.
I was playing with the equipment on in the living room area setting up Fidel’s monitoring station. I found him taking off shirt behind me getting comfortable. He was flexing in a way. I knew it. Fidel was sitting over here making sure that I knew he was a threat.
We had this silent tension between us.
“I bet you would like to keep it that way,” Fidel stated.
“Shay. I saw how you talked about him when Cesar mentioned Operation Shay. I’m sure…you’d like Shay to believe I was still dead wouldn’t you?” Fidel asked at that moment sitting on the couch and kicking his feet up. He laughed as he said that as though he came to some amazing discovery about me.
“Look this is my job. I’m an undercover cop. I don’t know if your tone has something to do with you thinking this is a beef or something but this is a job to me.”
“Bullshit. So you trying to say you don’t have no feelings for Shay? You just dove in that ass for a job? And just so happened to hide that detail from your boss…”
He must have been thinking about this for a while. I could tell by the way Fidel was looking at me. It was almost like he planned this conversation out down to the fact that was trying to intimidate me without any shirt. The thing that he didn’t know though is that it took a lot more to intimidate me. I was far from some bony character and far from ugly.
“My relationship with Shay has nothing to do with you.”
“It does when you are using him,” Fidel stated shaking his head.
I leaned over at him. I pulled up my sleeves. If he thought he was the only one that could flex and try to look like tough shit Fidel was wrong. I found myself making sure that he saw that I wasn’t no pussy. I wasn’t one of these random gay guys out here.
“Listen good,” I stated, “I’m in charge of this. You…you been gone. You don’t got the right to speak on what Shay is doing in his life right now. Like Cesar said. You want to protect Shay—he’ll give him a plea deal if we bring the others down. Now…I need to know. Are you down or are you going to try some funny shit.”
Fidel looked at me for a minute. He was thinking. He looked hard into my face.
“I said I was down. But if Shay gets hurt in this…the Gang is the last thing you’d need to be worried about…”
Now he was threatening me. I rolled my eyes and stood up at that moment.
“Whatever. I need to get ready. Shower…”
“What…where are you going?”
“Got a date…a date with Shay that is.”
I could see Fidel’s face when he watched me walk over to the second bedroom. I took the luggage that I wore. I knew it was childish and I should have been a little bit more professional but seeing his face was priceless.
==You need to adjust your hat…I can’t see…====
Fidel’s voice came across in my ear so deep that I had to adjust the earpiece in my ear. I found myself adjusting the hat as well. This was beyond awkward but I found myself standing at my car door. Of course it was a rental that Cesar had hooked me up with for Operation Shay. With all this fancy new equipment it was clear Cesar was putting a big deal into this undercover shit.
“How do I look?” I found myself asking.
I was standing outside of Shay’s apartment building. The ocean breeze was blowing and I was looking at the reflection in my car. Fidel had his hat tilted forward and was looking right at my reflection in the car glass.
==You look like a fuckin’ square boy. Shay like’s thugs…not no preppy ass dudes===
“We’ll see about that,” I muttered.
“Are you talking to yourself?” a voice said.
I turned at that moment to see Shay. He smiled at me. He had on a black see through shirt and some leather jeans. He had on some boots and everything like that.
Fidel’s voice in my earpiece took the words right out of my mouth.
“I was just…hyping myself up,” I found myself telling Shay, “You know. To meet you or whatever. You look…amazing…”
I couldn’t stop staring at him. Shay did look fucking amazing. He had his tight little body under that see through black shirt. As the ocean breeze wrapped around the shirt I could see his tight little frame. As the wind blew a little harder his lower abs could be seen and his boxers as well sagging just slightly low in order to offer a little bit of a tease.
I wanted to lean forward and kiss him but I knew Fidel was able to see everything that we were doing. It was making this shit even more awkward.
“Thanks. You look handsome too.”
===He’s just being nice.====
Fidel was such a fucking hater. At that moment I took the opportunity to piss him off just a little bit. I leaned forward giving Shay a kiss smack on the middle of his lips. I pressed my lips against his soft ones. They were super soft and before I knew it…a polite kiss had become something a lot more juicy. Our tongues slapped across each other to the point that I completely forgot that Fidel was monitoring everything that I was doing.
He got quiet in the phone. He didn’t say anything. I wondered what Fidel was actually thinking and the thought of it was probably the only thing that stopped me from kissing all over Shay in the middle of the street.
Clearly Shay felt the passion too.
“Damn. I can get used to that,” Shay stated.
“Well let’s go. Where do you want to go?”
“Tony invited me out to a party that he’s having at a club,” Shay stated, “I figured we can stop by there…get a few drinks.”
===Just say yes. Stop sounding like a little pussy. Shay hates that kind of shit.===
“Is that cool with you?”
“It’s just there’s a little bit of a beef. Last time I seen Tony it didn’t go so well.”
Shay raised an eyebrow at me, “Are you scared? Tony’s not dumb to do anything to you when I’m with you. Trust me.”
===Man you sound like a lil’ bitch right now. Tony ain’t no leader or a goon. You got Shay over here offering to protect you. What kind of cop are you?===
“Eh erm!” I cleared my throat.
Fidel’s voice in my ear was getting to me. It was actually beginning to piss me off really. I hated the idea that I had to constantly have him monitoring me. This was actually making things harder instead of easier.
“Yeah. I mean no. I mean. Let’s go. I’m not worried about him.”
I found myself opening the door for Shay like a gentleman and allowing him to walk inside. By the time I was closing out I could have sworn I heard Fidel saying one last thing.
I was pretty sure he was calling me a ===Pussy===.
“Damn sexy Shay?”
===He was staring at Shay from the moment he walked through the door. Be careful with Tony.====
Tony had walked over to us while we were in the club. The party was packed and clearly popping. He had a VIP section and they were popping bottles. I noticed what Fidel was telling me in my ear almost immediately. I noticed how he was staring Shay up and down.
“Thanks Tony. I’m feeling this party.”
“Oh of course. Felix is right over there. A bunch of cats from the gang are here too. It’s a turn up most definitely. What you drinking on? Let me buy you a drink.”
“Actually I have a drink. Nata bought me one. You remember Nata right?”
Tony looked over at me. He gave me the fakest ass nod at that moment. He actually smiled and offered to shake my hand. What kind of fake ass bullshit was this? I had to play the game though even though I wanted to steal off on him right there in the middle of the club.
“Yeah of course I remember Nata,” Tony stated, “Hey Nata, I hope you know that drama from before. That shit wasn’t personal. Miguel’s been shady as fuck man.”
===Tell them that you are your own man. Everyone see’s Miguel as shady whether they want to admit it or not. It’s probably not a good look to associate with him====
I listened to Fidel’s advice, “Listen. I’m my own man. Water under the bridge. Hopefully you two can iron out your issues.”
“That’s not gonna happen,” a voice stated.
This time it wasn’t Tony though. I noticed it was Miguel walking up on us! My heart dropped as I saw Miguel walking into the party. He wasn’t alone. A few of the other eastsiders walked in with him. He was rolling deep. I didn’t expect him to come. I was actually surprised when I saw Flip and Trinity come in.
“Is there a problem over here?” Felix stated walking over.
Felix hadn’t come over alone either. He was rolling deep. I felt like Shay and I were in the middle of this shit. I watched as Miguel shot Felix and Tony daggers.
“You ain’t hiding behind your boyfriend no more I see,” Miguel stated.
Felix laughed in response, “Never got to hide man. Matter of fact I heard you been starting bullshit rumors about how we tried to kill you.”
“You did try to kill me motherfucker…” Miguel replied.
Miguel’s face was red at that moment.
===Miguel trying to be tough now? Man ignore defuse this situation. There’s a guy behind Felix that has a burner I think. This might just get nasty and I be damn if Shay be caught in the middle of that.====
Fidel was actually being useful. I noticed at that moment someone standing behind Felix. The guy did seem to be grabbing at his waistband. Felix brought his shooters in here. God knows what Miguel had brought with him.
“You just called me a motherfucker, you snitch?” Felix replied.
“Who the fuck snitched on you?”
“The cops been on my ass…”
They’ve been on his ass because of me. They had been building a case up against Felix especially after I told them about the warehouse information. I wasn’t the least bit surprised that Felix would think all of this was coming from Miguel though. Miguel was a shady ass individual.
“Look grandpa, I ain’t no snitch,” Miguel replied, “Call me that shit and we’ll have some real issues.”
“If you want to go, I can go,” Felix replied.
Something was about to pop off. Something was definitely about to pop off. I didn’t know if it was my position to speak on this but I could hear Fidel’s voice in my ear.
===Stop this. Stop this now. Be a leader.====
I had found myself speaking out of no where. I could see all eyes turn to me. No one was expecting me to speak.
Miguel looked over at me, “Nata stay out of this…this is OG business.”
“I get that. It’s just we have to remember who the enemy is. You two got beef. Some of that may actually be legit though. This drama though needs to be played out in private. What do you want people hearing. You want people to know that GOG is fracturing from the inside? How long do you think until WAF sees that as a sign of weakness and starts coming in on our territory? Think about that…”
I didn’t hear anything from Fidel about what I said. I didn’t hear anything from anyone. Half the people in the room were surprised I was talking and the other half seemed to still be a little bit tense.
Shay was the first one to break the wall of silence that formed after I spoke.
“Nata is right. You guys want to iron this out. We’ll have a sit down,” Shay stated, “Tomorrow. No goons. Just the parties involved. And we can iron this out like men and not faggots.”
Shay cemented it almost immediately. I could feel the others breaking up at that moment.
“You’re right…” Miguel stated.
Felix nodded, “I agree. Let’s turn up tonight and we’ll deal with the drama behind clothes door in a grown man type of way.”
In the next few minutes the crowd that had formed broke out. I sighed deeply.
It was clearly a separation for the rest of the night with Miguel’s people on one side and Felix’s people on the other side. The tension was high but for some reason I found myself not even thinking about that. I was having the time of my life with Shay.
Shay had pulled me out onto the dance floor.
“You sounded so fucking sexy just now,” Shay told me, “You didn’t give a fuck if it was your place or not. Shit could have gotten really bad.”
“I just did what I thought I was right.”
Fidel was hating again. I could hear it.
I didn’t mind though. Shay was close to me. He swung his arms over me at that moment.
“It turns me on…you know that?” Shay stated, “This turf war is going to end GOG if we don’t reign it in. I love when a man takes charge…”
“You sure do know how to cause some attention.”
All parties in the club were looking at us. Miguel’s table was looking at Shay dancing with me and so was Felix’s table. Shay had been dancing with me all night. He didn’t dance with anyone else. Hell he hadn’t been even talking to anyone else. He seemed so into me and to be honest even with all these goons in this place I was so into Shay as well.
“They see what I see,” Shay responded.
“You remind me of someone. You are a natural born leader…”
At that moment Shay did something that I wasn’t expecting. He started to kiss me. He started to kiss me passionately in the middle of the room. As usual Fidel got quiet. I wondered if he looked away from the monitor when he saw Shay kissing me. It almost sounded a little too quietly like he wasn’t around once our lips started smacking. Fidel wasn’t the only eyes that I worried about though. I was worrying about Miguel. I was worried about Felix as well.
Shay wasn’t holding anything back. He was letting his affection for me be known and it sent butterflies in my stomach.
Suddenly Fidel’s voice came back in my ear.
====I know what we will do.=====
“What?” I found myself saying.
Shay raised his eyes, “I didn’t say anything baby.”
He called me baby. My heart was racing. I was talking to Fidel though.
I was so excited that I didn’t hear what Fidel said at first. It wasn’t until a few minutes passed that it clicked what Fidel had actually said and all of a sudden my heart was racing for a completely different reason.
====I am going to help you take over. You’ll be the new leader of GOG====