“This is so sad,” Trinity said.
I looked over to her. It had been just a few days now that Rashad had been killed at Miguel’s party. I had never seen a funeral quite like this before. The gang had pulled out all the stops. It was Felix who had got on the stage and made a heart warming speech about Rashad that had everyone in tears.
“C`mon girl. I know you’re not crying. You’re supposed to be the tough one,” I looked over at Trinity.
We were sitting at the back of the church. The choir was going and everyone seemed to be in their emotions. Trinity was attempting not to cry. I could see her struggling with it. We had been getting a lot closer and I was getting to know her as a person. I actually liked her. It was weird. A straight guy and a tranny female becoming really good friends. Who would have thought?
She was however quickly becoming one of the most loyal, real people that I knew.
Trinity looked over at me, “They hate us. You know. The straight people…they hate us…”
Trinity looked so sad. I couldn’t help but to feel the burning in my chest. She said the words and when they left her mouth I knew she really meant it. I remembered seeing how WAF had stormed through that crowd and just started shooting. I would have probably been dead if Trinity had run over to me and warned me to get down. I couldn’t believe that WAF did stuff like that. I knew WAF was bad but stuff like this was never on the news. It’s like the media wasn’t even exposing the hate crimes.
“Not all straight people hate you—I mean us,” I replied relatively quickly.
“Oh please. It’s us against them.”
I looked over at Trinity, “It’s more complicated then that.”
“Is it. Look up on the stage. Notice anything strange?”
Trinity was looking up at the stage. The OG leaders were on the stage. Shay, Miguel, Felix and Tony were up on the stage.
“Um…I notice Shay.”
“Think larger outside of your penis,” Trinity stated, “Where is Rashad’s family?”
“See what I mean. They didn’t come. They didn’t even come to his funeral. I have no doubt that they abandoned him when they found out he was gay. Just like my family abandoned me when they found out I was transitioning. They hate us, Nata. They hate us and honestly I hate them back.”
Trinity had this anger in her. She was such a beautiful kind soul but she had this anger towards straight people. She had this anger towards straight people that I didn’t understand.
“What if I was straight?” I asked her.
“What if I was though?” I replied, “Would you hate me too?”
Trinity was breathing heavy. I could see this hatred in her eyes. I could tell she had been scarred by straight people. I had no doubt that something happened in her past. Maybe it even involved WAF. I had asked her about specifics before but she never wanted to go into detail. Whatever happened to her definitely wasn’t going to leave her anytime soon.
“All straight people should die…” Trinity replied.
I didn’t say anything. I didn’t reply. I knew this wasn’t the place or time to have that argument. I wondered how many people felt this way. Looking at the sorrow on people’s faces I knew that it was a lot of people. I knew that things were getting kind of hard.
The funeral was over and people were making their way over to the reception hall. By the time we got to the reception hall everyone seemed to be out of it. The crying hadn’t stopped. The dramatic anger hadn’t stopped. I loosened my tie. A lot of the other gangsters hadn’t even worn suits. I felt it was kind of embarrassing they didn’t. Hell Tony had on a jersey and a baseball cap cocked to the side. The reception hall was full with more people than just gangsters though. It seemed like the entire LGBT community in Miami (at least what was left) had come out to support Rashad.
Trinity and I sat over at the table that Miguel was at. Miguel, Flip and the other Eastsiders had taken over the table.
“This food is amazing,” Trinity stated, “You not hungry Nata?”
I looked over at her and shook my head. Too much was on my mind to eat.
“I’m good for now.”
“You should eat…get strong,” Miguel added in, “That goes for all of you. We are going to war soon. I promise you. We will get our revenge for what they did to Rashad.”
There was grumbling around the table. It was nothing like Felix’s table though. The guys at Felix table were so angry it looked like a fight was about to break out any minute. Everyone was so angry. Everyone was so emotional. I knew they had put up with the homophobia for years. I knew they had put up with the violence. I felt…connected to these people. I didn’t know what my sexuality was to be honest. I had been straight all my life but right now in this moment things just seemed so complicated.
“Do we know whose going to take over for Rashad?” Trinity asked.
Miguel shook her head, “This isn’t the top or place to think about that right now.”
“She has a point,” Flip added in relatively quickly, “You and I know Felix or Tony are going for it. We both know they are going to try to take over the gang.”
I wondered if that was really what was on everyone’s mind. I noticed the other Eastsiders around the table get to attention. They started to join in asking Miguel question after question. Whispers were going around the table. People seemed nervous. They seemed unsure. They seemed on edge.
Who was going to take over now that Rashad was dead without leaving the gang in the hands of someone else? Who was going to be the new leader.
“We have to respect Rashad’s death. Now is the time for mourning,” Miguel quieted everyone, “We never got a chance to bury my cousin Fidel. We can at least bury Rashad.”
Miguel was trying to calm people down. At times I did see somewhat of a leader in him. If not a leader, he definitely had the ambition of a lion. I could tell by looking in his eyes. He held his chest up and puffed it up a little bit. I could tell he was attempting to take charge.
In the next few minutes we noticed someone get up on the mic. I looked over behind my chair to see that it was Shay. Shay had taken the mic.
“He has some nerve…after what his brother did…” I heard Flip whisper.
He wasn’t the only one whispering about Shay. I found myself getting really defensive even though I didn’t say anything.
“It was his brother…not him,” I quickly added.
Word had gone around relatively quickly about what Kenyon had done. Kenyon had betrayed the gang. Kenyon had called Donovan. I just didn’t want anyone sitting here blaming Shay for what Kenyon did. If Shay had anything to do with it he wouldn’t have showed up to the funeral at this moment. He wouldn’t be on the mic right now.
Shay held tight onto the might among the whispers. I saw a group of pretty boy standing near by. I figured they had to be the southsiders. Maybe they thought that people would start a beef with Shay. Maybe they were up there to protect him. I wasn’t sure. Either way no one said anything much louder than a whisper when Shay grabbed the mic. I guess they didn’t want the drama after all.
“I wanted to speak…a poem. A poem I think we all need to hear now,” Shay stated, “It’s by Langston Hughes. As many of you know Langston Hughes was a gay male. With all due respect I changed a word in the poem to fit our needs.
I, too, sing America.
I am the gayer brother.
They send me to eat in the kitchen
When company comes,
But I laugh,
And eat well,
And grow strong.
I’ll be at the table
When company comes.
Say to me,
“Eat in the kitchen,”
They’ll see how beautiful I am
And be ashamed–
I, too, am America. “
Shay’s words had a look sound of emotion behind them. Real emotion. He was crying by the end of it. He wasn’t the only one either. By the time he had finished slowly speaking the poem without even using a script everyone was staring. Everyone was just emotional.
Whatever doubt of Shay’s loyalty that was around seemed to be gone when wails of tears filled the reception room. Everyone was crying and there was no one dry eye…not a single dry eye. Not even mine.
“That dude is beautiful man,” Trinity said, “Inside and out.”
She was telling me. I knew she was telling me. She was telling me almost as though saying “go get him.” She was telling me almost as though she was saying, “What are you still doing here.”
I watched Shay as he moved. He looked like he was leaving. He had dropped his beautiful poem in the most emotional way possible, almost singing the words in front of everyone and when he was done we were all just staring at him in awe watching him leave.
I had to get up. I had to follow hi.
“Sit down,” a voice said.
I turned to see Miguel. He had noticed me get up. There was an awkwardness at that moment. I didn’t want to sit down. The way he was commanding me was as though I was his bitch. He had to know that I was going over to speak to Shay before Shay left. He must have been staring at me the entire time Shay was talking.
“I’m going to go talk to Shay.”
“Can you guys give me and Nata a minute?” Miguel told the table.
Miguel must have really thought he was the big boss around here. Maybe everyone else assumed he was the big boss too because they got up off the table relatively quickly when he said that. Even Trinity cleared out until it was just Miguel and I sitting at that table alone.
“Is there a problem?”
“You know this is all because of you right?” Miguel stated, “You pissed Kenyon off. You started this.”
“I started this?”
“You slept with his brother…”
“Those are your rules no? Sex right? I slept with a guy who willingly wanted it. I didn’t rape Shay. I didn’t force myself on him. Actually I think he kind of enjoyed it—”
“Yo shut the fuck up before I beat your ass,” Miguel stated.
Miguel got up at the table at that moment and faced me. He was standing so close to me that were looking dead in each other’s eyes. Was this dude crazy? This dude was really coming at me all of a sudden.
It was almost like he was challenging me. Wasn’t he just supporting me the other day? I wondered what changed with Miguel. All of a sudden he was looking at me like I was his enemy or something.
“You might want to lower your tone homie. I didn’t say anything disrespectful to you. I spoke the truth. You getting in my face is uncalled for.”
“I run this… don’t forget that.”
“That’s fine. But like I said. I’m not a bitch…with all due respect.”
I was struggling. My pride was struggling with my job. I had to be lowkey. I was here for a reason. Still it was hard. It was fucking hard.
“Remember your place,” Miguel stated.
He had the nerve to put his hands on me. He pressed a finger on the side of my forehead and pushed hard at that moment. HE PUSHED his finger on me. I was about to haul off and hit him. I could feel myself about to hit him. I just knew it was about to happen but just when I was about to do it I felt someone pull me.
“Is everything ok here?” Shay asked.
I hadn’t seen Shay walk over. I was so lucky because I had every plan to beat Miguel to a bloody pulp at that moment. I had every plan to whoop his ass and go back to the chief to let her know that I’d been kicked out of GOG for losing my cool. I didn’t even care.
Shay had really just saved me without even knowing.
“Everything’s good,” Miguel lied, “Me and new recruit was just sharing a few words. It’s not important really. Shay your speech was beautiful. You mind if me and you…I don’t know…have a little talk really quickly.”
“Actually I was about to leave,” Shay replied.
“Oh damn,” Miguel stated.
Shay then turned to me, “Are you busy, Nata? You mind, I don’t know. Coming over my apartment. I just don’t want to be alone.”
At that moment seeing Miguel’s face made it all worth it. Me beating Miguel’s ass wouldn’t have had the same impact as Shay grabbing onto my hand and leading me away did. Miguel looked like I had just hit him with a bus, picked the bus up, dropped it on him—-got back in the bus and drove over him, several times.
I knew this wasn’t going to be good in the future but right now this moment was perfect.
“You want anything to drink?” Shay asked me as we got back to his apartment.
I looked over at him, “Naw. I’m good. Are you ok though?”
“Well an old friend of mine just died, my brother was responsible. My other brother actually ordered the attack. Now Kenyon is now in hiding and the gang has kill order on him. So I don’t know if I’m ok, but ask me after a few drinks. Let’s see then.”
I watched as Shay downed Hennesy straight out the bottle. I didn’t know what came over me but I walked over there and grabbed the bottle out of his hand.
“Naw. That’s not going to make you feel any better.”
I just didn’t want to see him hide his pain like that.
Shay looked over at me and smiled, “What is then…”
His eyes connected with me. I didn’t know why I did it but I found myself kissing him. I was kissing him so hard that before I knew it I had his body pressed up against the fridge. He was so fucking sexy to me. I grabbed his long dreds and ran them under my fingers.
Shay fought back grabbing at my waist and pulling me into him domineering me and challenging me for control of the kiss. I loved how aggressive he was being.
He backed me up until I was on the island in the kitchen.
“You do realize we don’t have to do this right,” Shay stated, “You are already in the gang. This isn’t an initiation.”
“Yes it is,” I told him.
“It’s your initiation this time. Your initiation into my life,” I replied.
I thought it was corny when it came out but I meant it. I meant every single word and I didn’t understand why I was spilling my guts to this guy like this. I didn’t understand why I even felt the way that I felt about Shay like I did.
I threw everything off of the kitchen island. I didn’t give a fuck. Bottles and glasses spilled on the floor. Shay didn’t seem to give a fuck either. I found myself placing him on top of the kitchen island at that moment and climbing up there as well. I looked down at him. He was breathing so slow. He was sexy. He looked so alluring just looking up at me over him.
I started to take my shirt off.
“Your body is amazing,” Shay told me.
He was pressing his hands up against my chest. He pressed his arms against my pecs. I let them move underneath him so he could feel me flex. I loved how he looked at my body worshiping every muscle and how defined my body was. Shay had a sexy body too. He let me undress him. He let me take his clothes off on top of the island. His body was tight and small in the right places. It was curvy in the right places. He had the perfect body to me.
“I can’t stop thinking about you,” I told him.
I was telling the truth too. I mean I was here for a job. I was telling myself I was just playing a role. I was telling myself I was just being undercover. But that was a lie. I knew it. I knew I was lying to myself. The attraction that I had for Shay was real. It was more real than it should have been.
Before I knew it I turned him over so that he was bent up away from me. His fat ass was smiling at me…calling from me on the counter.
I put my tongue in it and could feel the warmth of his butt cheeks on my lips.
“Oh my god!” he moaned.
He tensed his back a little and tried to run but I grabbed him keeping him there. I began to chew on that butt hole like it was something from the Top Chef kitchen. I licked circles up and down him. He was screaming. His moans were getting so loud that I hoped he didn’t have any neighbors.
“OH FUCK…stop teasing me. Stop teasing me Nata. I want it. I want you in me! I haven’t been fucked in five years. I can’t wait any longer.”
Damn. He hadn’t been fucked in five years. Looking at how fat his ass was I was shocked to believe no one had had been able to get that in five years.
I didn’t hold up for him. I put my dick, leveling it on his ass and started thrusting forward. I started fucking him deeper and deeper. With each thrust Shay was whimpering with pleasure. He was so tight. It was way tighter than even Shauna’s ass. This was some next level ass. I was in heaven and I couldn’t help but to start moaning as well.
You would have thought he was fucking me by how loud I was moaning.
“Oh my god. It’s so good…damn…throw it back. THROW IT BACK! Damn. Baby. This is amazing. Why are you doing this to me!”
I had to admit I sounded like a bitch. I didn’t even care though. I knew I would look back at this and be so embarrassed that I was letting how good this felt get the better of me. It didn’t matter at this moment though. At this moment I was going to enjoy every single thrust. I was going to enjoy his ass muscles clenching on my dick.
I was going to enjoy grabbing onto his small waist and seeing the comparison of how fat his ass got all of a sudden. I held on tight as we rode one another.
Before long I was cumming…I was cumming all over his back. Sprays of nut landed everywhere.
“When did you first know you were gay?” Shay asked me.
We were laying in his bed. We had been laying in bed for a few hours now naked. We’d just had sex…laid around…had some more sex and cuddled some more. I felt like I could stay in bed with him forever. I didn’t want to leave. There was emotion here. There was a closeness that I never felt with any other woman.
“When I first saw you…” I replied.
“Bullshit,” he laughed pushing me.
“Ok. Ok. I don’t remember. What about you?” I said trying to change the subject.
I was telling him the truth though. The first time I knew I had gay tendencies was when I first saw Shay. I didn’t want to admit it to him but that was the truth. I cared about him in this way that made me know I couldn’t be straight. I had never felt so complete after sex. I had never felt like all I wanted to do was do it over and over. I never had the urge to cuddle like this and just talk afterwards.
He nestled his locks under my shin. I found myself picking one up and playfully chewing it. His locks smelled so good. They smelled like shea butter and olive oil. They were so soft.
“A long time ago,” Shay stated, “It was something that I went through all by myself. I never felt so alone. You know.”
“Wait…isn’t your brother gay too?”
Shay nodded, “Yeah. He didn’t come out until later though. I think my relationship with my ex helped him come out. When my ex Fidel was killed, Kenyon kind of accepted who he was. I think he did it more because he didn’t want me to be alone anymore. I don’t think he ever really got comfortable in his sexuality though.”
“Not everyone is comfortable in it. You know?”
“I don’t see how…especially after experiencing what I just experienced with you,” I admitted, “I am getting comfortable a little too quickly.”
Shay laughed, “This experience doesn’t happen often. It didn’t happen for Kenyon. I don’t think he’s ever been in love with a guy. Kenyon joined GOG because he didn’t trust them. You know that warehouse…Felix is running a whole black market from that warehouse.”
That was what was going on. Shit. This was what I was sent here to find out. Incriminating evidence that could put all of GOG behind bars.
“You are…ok with that?”
“I figured they had to support the gang somehow. Kenyon hates me being around the crime though. Kenyon’s a good man. I think he just wanted to protect me you know. I don’t think he thought WAF was going to come through shooting the way they did at the block party. He always was in denial about how bad my other brother Donovan really is.”
“Have you spoken to your other brother Donovan?”
Shay shook his head, “Hell no. Not since his gang shot down Fidel. Blood or not. I don’t know what I’d do if I saw Donovan. I just might kill him.”
“You shouldn’t. You should…just leave,” I stated all of a sudden, “You know. Just get out of Miami. You don’t need to be here.”
“You’re telling me to run.”
“Maybe leave with Kenyon. I don’t know.”
“So you are trying to get rid of me then?” Shay asked.
“You don’t get it,” I stated.
“Explain it to me then,” Shay responded.
I had to give up GOG. I had to learn what I needed about GOG to get them locked up. That would include Shay too. I had to possibly see if I could get Shay away from this shit before I did that though. I was clearly liking this guy. I wasn’t going to straight up betray him.
Just as I was going to figure something to say to Shay my phone rang. I noticed the number. It was the emergency number from the police department.
“I actually have to go,” I stated.
“Damn…who is it?”
I looked down at him. I didn’t want to go. I wanted to cuddle with him all night. I just wanted to hold him in my arms. This was work though. I had to go whether I liked it or not.
“Trinity. You know…the other new recruit. She thinks some WAF members are around. She doesn’t feel safe.”
“I can come with you.”
“No! I mean. Naw. You had a long day,” I stated.
Shay smiled, “Are you…can you…come back? You know…after or whatever.”
He wanted me to come back. My heart was ringing right now like bells.
He had no idea. He had no idea that I would come back…every…single…time. I was falling for Shay. I knew it.
I was falling in love with Shay.
I was on a high by the time I got to the police station. I was brought into a special room where I wasn’t surprised to see Cesar and his wife…my sister in law Chief Marisol Medina sitting there. I could tell by the look on their faces that they were questioning me.
“How’s it going?” Marisol asked me.
I shook my head, “I’d appreciate the time to work without you guys almost blowing my cover.”
My brother shook his head, “We were worried. You weren’t responding. We hadn’t gotten any updates.”
Marisol looked over at me, “Do you have anything yet? Do you have anything that we can use against GOG?”
The warehouse. I could tell them about the warehouse. I knew my brother though. Cesar would order cops to raid that place in no time. It would be a witch hunt for GOG members. I couldn’t just sell them out. What about Shay? What about Trinity?
I was in too deep. I was in way too deep. I had been getting my emotions into this without even knowing that I was doing it.
“Nothing,” I lied.
Marisol and Cesar looked at one another. I wondered if they believed me. Cesar knew me well. Did he know me well enough to know that I was lying to him. At that moment Cesar got up off the table and opened the dor.
“Follow me,” Cesar stated.
I got nervous all of a sudden. Cesar seemed serious. We walked down to the other side of the police station to the interrogation rooms.
There was a glass that I saw. Was he about to interrogate me or something? Was my own brother calling me out right now.
“What’s going on?” I asked.
I was getting nervous by now. My palms were sweating.
“We are going to have to use other means of getting information about GOG while you are undercover,” Cesar stated.
At that moment he turned on the light. I realized I was on the other end of the two way glass. The interrogation room was on the other side. There was a guy sitting there. He was tall tan. He was very handsome and lean looking. There was something very familiar looking about him. He was just sitting there swaying back and forth in a nervous way.
“Who the hell is that?”
“He’s been in hiding for a few years after WAF attempted to kill him. We had to fake his death…to keep him safe. His name is Fidel…but that’s just his alias. His real name is Tony Monteo.”