I wake up in the morning to the sound of someone getting out of the shower. Attached from the master bedroom is the master bathroom. In a matter of moments, I see him. Lopez. He has a towel wrapped around his waist. He’s soaking wet still though. He never takes the time to really wipe off when he gets out of the shower.
I have to admit that it’s sexy. He’s recently been keeping his hair really low. His muscles are popping and defined by the drips of water on his chest. His pink lips are sexy. He’s always been a little bit of a mystery by how he stares. All this intention. All this look.
He drops his towel.
He’s looking at me look at him. He knows how sexy he is. He’s shaved his pubes almost all off. His long dick dangles between his legs with just the slightest bit of weight to it. He takes a step toward me with his heavy arms at his side. Before I know it he’s kissing me slowly. He’s pressing his lips up against my neck, my shoulders, my stomach, getting lower until he gets to my dick. He tenderly kisses it, showing affection naturally. He lifts my legs and starts to lick my asshole. I feel his tongue in it before I summon the strength to push him off.
“I’m not in the mood.”
“Bae…I’m horny man,” he complains kissing my asshole again.
This time he puts his finger in his mouth. He sucks on it deep, lubing it up with his spit. Then he inserts it in my ass. He goes all the way in. All the way to the knuckles. It feels so good as he begins to finger fuck me, pushing it deeper and deeper in and watching my expression as I struggle to show this isn’t affecting me. His dick is getting hard. I can feel it growing as it rests on my inner thigh. I can feel the precum slowly dripping down my thigh as he slowly starts to grind, ready and wanting to fuck the living shit out of me.
“I’m not taking no for an answer.”
I can’t control it when he puts my legs over his shoulder. I exhale slowly as his wet cock rams into my hole. It’s all brutal force as he begins to pummel in me. My legs are secured on his broad shoulders. I’m not going anywhere. He’s guiding his hips into me with his rough hands. His raw dick sends so much precum into me that I think he’s breeding me.
I grab onto the sheets. My face gives in first and then the moans come, “Oh fuck…”
He knows what he does to me. Lopez puts one hand on my neck squeezing it gently to intensify the moment. His other hand cups my ass from underneath.
“This my ass?”
I don’t respond.
He doesn’t like that. He lifts me up, securing me around my waist with little effort at all. I’m dangling in his arms as he stands in the middle of the room and starts dropping me on his dick. He piles my aching asshole onto his throbbing dick over and over like a power drill. We’re facing each other when he leans over and kisses me, shoving a long, wet tongue down my throat. I gasp in between letting out short quick breaths.
Heh. Heh. Heh.
My arms wrap around his neck. He looks me dead in my eyes.
“I love you,” he tells me.
And I think he means it. I think he really does, even after what happened yesterday. Somehow this must be his way of showing it I think. The worst part is I loved him back. That was the worst part. That was the reason I’m letting him fuck me now. That’s the reason I looked so stupid for him.
Lopez empties himself in me, leaving me with sticky, wet semen. The warmth of it fills my intestines.
He strains as he orgasms, “Fuck.”
Veins pop out of his neck. His hands squeeze the fat of my ass as he buries himself in me making sure that every tiny drip of his man mayonnaise was nestled into me.
He places me on the bed and tries to stay inside of me. I know Lopez. This is usually when he is the most vulnerable. After he nuts he likes to cuddle. At this moment he isn’t some dangerous drug lord. At this moment he’s just a boy in love with another boy and wanting desperately to feel that bond of closeness.
I pull out first and slide to the other side of the bed.
Dumb question. He knew the answer to it but I know Lopez. When he’s fucked up he acts dumb. He likes to pretend like he doesn’t understand.
And I like to play dumb too.
“Nothing, I was just about to head out.”
I wasn’t going to be the nagging boyfriend to sit around and brood about his infidelities. If he didn’t want to talk about it I wasn’t going to talk about it either. But I was going to leave. I was going to clear my head. And the idea of me being able to function at a time like this and not being totally emotionally reliant on him definitely gets underneath his skin.
“Can we talk about yesterday?” he asks.
Yesterday. The day I found one of his worker’s throats deeply lodged down on his thick cock. I can remember that moment in depth.
“Nothing to talk about,” I tell him.
I can’t even look him in the eyes. I know I’m being passive aggressive. I have the tendency to do that. What was I going to do though? Explode? Scream at him? That wasn’t my personality. We were two men at the end of the day. We were two men from the hood at the end of the day. I knew bitches would do somersaults to get at a man like Lopez. I was always just hoping he wasn’t so susceptible to it.
“I would never have done that with a man. You know that right?”
It’s almost laughable.
“Is that supposed to make it better or…”
“It don’t, I just wanted you to know that,” he explains, “She don’t mean shit to me. I let the bitch go. And maybe every once in a while, I like some pussy…but you knew that when you got with me.”
If he wanted to act like it was OK for him to do what he was doing then we both could act like it was OK. I was just going to grit my fucking teeth and take it. I loved him. I really did, but if he couldn’t see how he fucked up then what was the point of talking about it? I wasn’t planning on raising a grown ass man to teach him how to be in a relationship.
“You’re shutting me out again,” he tells me.
Maybe that’s a habit I have lately. Just grit it and take it. Just grit it and take it. Just put on that cold face and wide eyes. People already thought I was innocent. So hell. What was the point of just playing up the wide-eyed look?
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
He pauses. Whether he admits it or not, he has trouble dealing with his emotions. On the streets he’s cold and calculated but in the bedroom he has so many vulnerabilities.
“I hate when you’re mad at me.”
“Man I know you. You’re mad and you shut down when you’re mad,” he responds, “What do you want me to do? You want me to fire her? She’s gone. You want me to never touch another bitch I’ll do that. Just look at me. Please.”
He’s damn near begging at this point.
He’s staring at my back. I can feel him staring at my back. So I turn. I look at him. Only for a second. That’s the longest I can take.
“You want to know what you can do to make this better?”
“I’d do anything.”
That’s what I wanted him to do. He swallows his spit when he does it. He walks over to his towel and wraps it around his waist again. I can see him starting to get ready, putting on his facial regimen. He’s still staring at me from the corner of his eyes. I know he hates the silence between us. It’s eating him up.
Maybe that’s why he starts a whole different conversation.
“DJ was the one stealing the money,” he states out of nowhere, “He ran.”
I look at him this time. Our eyes connect finally.
“You going to go after him?” I ask.
Thank god. The fact that I was the one stealing the money and another person was going to get blamed for it was a lot on my conscious. I was glad that I had the sense to at least warn DJ when I did. Maybe he would get away. Maybe this would all work out.
“I’m a boss. Bosses don’t get their hands dirty,” he explains, “I’m took out a contract with Glock 50.”
“Supposedly one of the best hitmen in the country. I got a contract to bring back his body.”
The way he was talking was so matter-of-fact. I didn’t get it. I find myself walking over to him and physically getting in Lopez’s face. Not a lot of people had the balls do that, but I was really sick right now and my emotions were finally showing.
“You got a hitman?” I ask.
“Actually a hit woman,” he explains, “Glock 50’s a lady.”
“We grew up with DJ. You hired a hitman to kill him? What the hell is going on Lopez? That money means nothing to you. I know how much you’re worth.”
DJ was a rider. DJ has been loyal to Lopez. He still was. He had done some shit for Lopez. He had served his time under Lopez that gave him the right not to be hunted down like prey. The fact that he wanted to get away and start a new life was honorable. It was what all these street dudes should have been doing. The fact that Lopez looked at this as some sort of disrespect was fucking crazy.
“It’s not about the money. The Haitians are coming back to town. They got this new drug they are all hype about. They are trying to distribute but they haven’t come through me. You know what that means?”
“I’m sure you’ll tell me.”
“Lack of respect. They don’t fear me. My name is getting soft in these streets. I need to remind people how much of a savage I am. Killing DJ will send that message.”
“What you’re doing is wrong Lopez.”
“I don’t need you to question me. I need you to support me. Go ahead and take my credit card. Do some shopping for the house. We are entertaining Glock 50 tonight so that she can take this contract on DJ.”
He isn’t asking me. He’s telling me to do it. I have to play my part for him. The housemaker. The person who entertained his lower than life business partners.
I take Curtis and Toriano with me to get them out of the house. Honestly I just wanted to hang out with people who were removed from this scene. We end up at this upscale shopping center getting table cloths and everything for him attempting to convince one of the top hitmen in the country to kill a kid we grew up with. Why? Because of Haitains? It made me sick really just even thinking about it.
“Wait let me get this right…I can get anything out of here?” Curtis asks.
I’m not even paying attention.
“Yeah. He has black card. There’s no limit on there. Go crazy. Get two of anything if that makes you happy,” I respond.
Curtis looks like a kid in a fucking candy store.
“He just…gives you his card?” Curtis asks.
He’s so star struck.
“Yeah. He trusts me.”
“You guys are like the perfect fucking couple,” Curtis responds, “I swear you definitely hit the jackpot cous.”
I was lucky. I had “hit the jackpot”. I knew how it looked like from the outside. Curtis saw this handsome, charming guy who wanted nothing more than to make me happy. He didn’t see what I was starting to see every day. Lopez was sucked into this life. There was a time where it wasn’t always like that. Lopez was always hood. That’s not the thing. But he had limits. He had that street respect that I loved. He was a everyday hustler.
So when Curtis takes off, Toriano stays behind.
“You not getting anything?” I ask.
“Nah,” he responds, “I don’t giveaways man. Staying at your place is way more than I’m even comfortable with already. I’m still thinking of ways to pay you back.”
With Curtis gone I feel like I don’t have to fake a smile. Toriano knew who Lopez was. He stands by me as I’m pushing the cart. He’s completely quiet, but I can feel his eyes watching me. Everything I do he’s just watching me. He reminds me of the old Lopez. All pride and all wonder and this feeling that I was always being watched. It turned me on in a weird way but I could never admit that to Toriano.
“What’s with the staring?”
“Somethings wrong. Waiting for you to open up…”
I laugh at the thought.
“Man, I don’t open up.”
“Maybe that’s the problem,” Toriano says stopping me, “I got a feeling your man doesn’t let you have a lot of friends. Luckily I got your cover because of Curtis. So I can get just…close…enough.”
He’s moving in at that moment.
“What are you doing?”
“You so closed off. I’m looking for a way in.”
“I’m looking for a way in,” Toriano states, “Where is it?”
Toriano starts getting weird, examining me like a doctor would during a physical. He’s looking in my ears. He’s touching, trying to open my mouth or stretch out my eyes when I push him away. I hate that he gets me to break out and laugh a little bit abnormally. It’s been such a long time that I’ve laughed with Lopez. Everything was so serious.
“Stop. You’re a clown.”
I’m all teeth though. Maybe for some reason I found this clown funny.
Toriano smiles. While he was checking me somehow he hasn’t taken a step back. He’s still close to me in the middle of the aisle. Uncomfortably close. My driver isn’t too far away. I wonder if he notices. Curtis isn’t too far away either. Toriano could care less. He’s so close our shirts are brushing up against one another and I can smell his breath hitting my face as he breaths slowly.
“Tell me what’s wrong and I’ll cut it out,” he states.
I have a feeling that he isn’t bluffing. He’d embarrass the hell out of me until I gave in.
“Fine. It’s Lopez.”
“How could I guess?”
“You ever really think something, maybe a lifestyle is going to be good until you experience it. Then all of a sudden you realize that it’s not all what it’s cracked up to be. Honestly that’s how I feel right now. It’s glamorous isn’t it?”
“I can see how it can be addictive. The hustle though. That’s what it’s about. You hustle until you make it. Guys like you…wouldn’t even pay broke niggas like me the time of day. But when you make it all of a sudden you get Dimes looking at you.”
Is that what he thought of me? I knew I was attractive. Guys staring at my ass was normal on a day to day. I made good eye candy. But what was it all worth.
“Listen I just want to be normal and my lifestyle doesn’t allow that.”
I had seen how Lopez treated guys like me. Guys who wanted to be normal. He was getting some headhunter to kill DJ. The thought of it is sickening. All because DJ wanted to be normal.
“If you want to be normal I can show you.”
I think he’s joking.
“Toriano I’m serious here.”
He’s a nice guy to talk to but when he puts on that silly smile it’s hard not to smile back. I guess it’s cool that I’m not explosive and holding an attitude or something.
“I’m serious too,” he responds, “I like that you not obsessed with all that is material like Curtis. You ever thought maybe you not built out to be wearing all that expensive stuff. Maybe you prefer normal stuff. Maybe you prefer a normal nigga…like me…”
He’s flirting hard and this time he’s not taking no for an answer. Before I get to reply he shoves his tongue down my throat. I feel this warm feeling. This connection. This spark like when I first met him at the train station.
The weird part is I don’t push him off, even when he grabs onto my face and starts literally sucking on my tongue in the middle of the store. He’s tongue tastes good. The wet long tongue lashes deep into mine as he nestles his nose up against my cheek. He presses me up against the produce. Cabbage and celery are at my back and I don’t give a shit. I’m kissing him back. My hands scale his toned back until I get to his waist. He has to have the tiniest waist ever compared to the width of his shoulders. My hands rest up against his tight ass. He jerks a little bit and I remove my hands. Lopez doesn’t really care for me to touch his ass like that. Toriano doesn’t seem to care though when I notice him slowly guiding my hands back to his ass.
We both turn at the same time.
Curtis caught us kissing.
The ride back to the house has to be the most awkward ride ever. Curtis clearly has an issue. He’s always so talkative but he isn’t saying a fucking word to me and I know why. I just fucking kissed his boyfriend. I feel like the biggest asshole. Toriano being in the car isn’t helping. Every few minutes I watch him suck on his lips in the sexiest way possible and look over at me. He’s thinking about the kiss. So am I. I can still taste those big juicy lips on mine. It’s hard to fight back my dick getting soft when our eyes connect awkwardly every chance we get.
I feel like the biggest traitor.
Toriano didn’t just kiss me. I wanted it. I was so mad at Lopez that I wanted it. No one is talking when we get to the house. I’m surprised when Lopez meets us out the car and he seems to feel the heat when Curtis silently storms off into the house.
“Everything OK?” he asks, “Your cousin looks a little pissed.
I look back at Toriano. I had to talk to Curtis and quick. If he let slip what had happened in the store Toriano would be a dead man. You would think that is what would be on Toriano’s mind but that’s not the case. He’s staring at my ass! Blatantly. His eyes pierce mine in the most “Come fuck me now” stare I’d ever experienced. The boy was fucking sexy.
Lopez gets annoyed, “Why you being short with me? You still mad aren’t you.”
You would think Lopez getting his dick sucked would be on my mind more than his. It’s crazy how guilt gets to you. It’s clear Lopez is struggling from it and I’m happy to let him waddle in his pain a little bit longer.
“I just need time,” I state.
I walk away from him knowing damn well he’s upset. Lopez sticks around to have small talk with Toriano. It’s awkward but I didn’t want Lopez thinking anything was going on. That wouldn’t turn out well. So I don’t stick around and make it any more suspicious than it has to be.
I’m cooking in the kitchen when Curtis walks in. Lopez’s kitchen is grand to say the least. Usually he has a chef but I’ve picked up so much that Lopez can never tell the difference either way. It’s not like he is short on money but I find cooking therapeutic. Plus, Lopez refuses to let me go find a regular job so this is really what I had to do to keep myself entertained. When Curtis walks into the huge kitchen he doesn’t even notice me at first.
I’m glad because I had to talk to him. When he sees me he turns to walk away but I stop him.
“You mind giving me a hand?” I ask.
“I’m not really a cook.”
“Fine, then give me an ear,” I state.
I pull out one of the stools on the huge island in the kitchen. Curtis is reluctant to come over but he does. He sits in the chair like a big ass kid.
“You know I love you right cousin?”
“I love you too.”
“I would never do anything to hurt you.”
He nods at that moment, “I would hope not. I’m starting to get concerned after seeing what happened at the store.”
I can’t believe I had that moment of weakness to kiss my cousin’s boyfriend. I feel sick to my stomach. I stop cooking and look Curtis in the eyes. I want him to know how sincerely sorry I am for what I’ve done.
“What I did will never happen again with Toriano.”
“I have Lopez. You have Toriano. I’ll make that clear that it can’t happen again…”
My cousin looks confused.
“I have Toriano?” he asks.
“Yeah. You know your boyfriend.”
My cousin looks at me funny, “FAM! I’m not gay what the fuck?”
“Toriano is just my homeboy. I’m not gay. You thought I was gay?” Curtis asks shaking his head, “Hell…I didn’t even know Toriano was gay. He been dating this crazy ass stalker girl. She had our house robbed, burn down our shit at one point. She’s just crazy. She’s who we were trying to get away from.”
“Wait so you and Toriano are friends.”
“Did he tell you otherwise?”
He actually didn’t. Toriano just sort of implied he was with someone else and for some reason I just assumed it was Curtis since they moved here together.
“Well no I…” he stops, “Wait hold up. Why the fuck were you so mad about me and Toriano if you aren’t with him.”
“Because. This thing you got with Lopez is good for us. Don’t fuck it up, cous?”
Curtis doesn’t even explain himself.
I’m so irritated that Toriano didn’t make this clear that I just let Curtis walk out. I walk out of the room to find Toriano and for some reason I see him hiding out…dodging into a closet for some reason. I swear I’m imagining the shit when I see him shut himself in the closet.
I walk to the closet to confront him but when I open the door I am being called.
“Baby…come here. There’s someone I want you to meet.”
It’s Lopez. He’s calling me to the atrium. When I walk to the front I’m almost blown away by what I see. There are all these fucking guns and shit out everywhere. Suitcases and suitcases worth of fuckin’ guns. I’m thinking there is some sort of gang war going on or something. Then I see this woman standing there. She is dressed in all black. She’s real pretty though. Strong facial features and yet feminine at the same time. It’s clear she’s brought all these guns with her.
“Lopez what…the…fuck… is going on in my house?” I ask.
I usually don’t confront Lopez about this shit especially in front of company but Lopez never brings his work home like this. Not too long ago the Feds were watching us. Lopez had to be a lot smarter than this. He knew better.
“Baby, I want you to meet the chick who’s going to bring us DJ’s head,” Lopez says, “This is Glock 50.”
Lopez is smiling. This Glock 50 chick is showing him all her guns and I’m wondering honestly if this chick carries all these guns around with her on a daily or if she was just showing off because Lopez is who he says he is.
“Is all this necessary?” I ask.
DJ was our friend.
“This isn’t all for your contract,” She tells me, “You guys are lucky.”
“Lucky?” I ask.
The nerve on this lady.
“Lucky I was in town. Looking for my boyfriend actually. Those are for him. I’m going to kill the bitch for running away. And on my spare time I’ll hunt this guy DJ. For a fee of course.”
Lopez gives her a stare.
“Name your price.”
I look over at this Glock Lady. She was pretty girl but something was…off with her. Maybe it’s this twitch in her eye. Maybe it’s the fact that there were knives in those open suitcases that seemed freshly stained with blood.
Who the fuck was this lady?
“Lopez can we discuss this?” I ask.
Glock 50 interrupts us, “Sorry, Mr. Pilar. Didn’t know you had to discuss business with your better half before hand? I would have run the contract by him.”
Lopez looks embarrassed. He doesn’t say it. He never would but I can tell.
“The contract is on,” Lopez states.
He gives me a look. A look that tells me I need to walk away. I find myself going back into the hallway and opening the closet that Toriano was in. I had a bad feeling about him hiding. A really bad feeling.
Toriano looks at me funny.
“Is she gone?”
“My girlfriend…” he states with pure fear in his eyes, “Glock 50.”