A Practical Guide to Shade
I’m running out into the hallway. Shade grabs me from behind. He’s rough hard and strong. I’m used to it. Maybe that’s why I don’t struggle when he pulls me into the nearest private room. He throws me onto the ground and stands over me. His large shadow is cast from overhead. I look up at him with this look of complete wonder.
“Did I dismiss you?”
He’s giving me the look. The look that lets me know who’s in charge. He’s the master. He has the reins. I’m feeling heavy at that moment. This isn’t right. None of this shit is right.
“How long has he been alive?” I ask.
“This entire time.”
It’s been 2 months since I’d attended his funeral. Two fucking months have passed without me realizing that Indigo’s funeral was nothing more than a fake. If anyone can come up with this it would have been him. Shade knew ways to control not only people but control situations. Right now I can see his eyes looking at me. He doesn’t even seem the slightest bit concerned at how shocked I am my best friend was alive this entire time.
‘You have to let him go,” I plead.
That’s when I feel it. The strong slap against my face. My cheek numbs as I jerk back. My hands raise to block my face so he won’t do it again, but I know he won’t do it again because he’s already proved his point.
“I have to?” he asks.
“Master,” I state hoping my voice isn’t as aggressive to lead to another slap, “This isn’t like Jean. Jean came of his free will. You are holding Indigo against his will. This is kidnapping.”
“Kidnapping?” he asks laughing it off, “Kidnapping? Huh? Do you know where I found him? I found my beautiful Indigo in a pool of blood with his wrists slit. He tried to take his life. I saved him. I revived him. I brought him back. He belongs to me now. He owes me his life. Don’t you agree…”
“Don’t you agree?” he asks again.
“Yes, sir…it’s just…”
He doesn’t let me talk. He reaches over to me grabs me by my face, “Haven’t I loved you Louvell? This entire time…who has loved you?”
“I love him as well. I would never hurt Indigo. I just want to protect him. I just want to make sure that he doesn’t hurt himself again. That’s the only reason I’m holding him. It makes sense right.”
I’m silent. The way that he had Indigo tied up was one thing. The look in Indigo’s eyes was another. Indigo was frightened for his life. He didn’t look like someone who was being protected. I feel so torn at that moment.
I stay silent.
That’s when I feel him squeezing my face harder. It gets harder and harder. It gets so hard that I feel my teeth clench together. My body numbs again underneath his touch. He is making me feel small on purpose. He is trying to make a point.
“I protect what’s mine,” he explains, “Whether it’s you. Whether it’s Indigo. I’ve made you happy. Haven’t I? I want you to stay…you know that?”
“I’m in love with you. You’re the one.”
The one. I’m not an idiot. He could be saying this to manipulate me. More than likely he is saying it… Still. I’d never heard someone say that to me before. I’d never had someone look me in my eyes and sell me this dream that I’ve always wanted. I wasn’t as attractive as Jean. I wasn’t as fun as Indigo. I never thought in a million years someone that looked like Shade could be attracted to me, but he was. He was attracted to me and he was going out of his way to show it at this moment.
He leans in and kisses me softly against the lips. I press my lips up against his. We kiss delicately. Our mouths pressed up against one another.
Then all of a sudden I nod, “I love you too.”
I meant it. I meant it with every part of me. Knowing this is manipulation and all. It’s so easy to judge a soul that hasn’t been loved before. A soul that has been pushed aside. Me and my friends were three roses but I was always the rose that got put back. Until now. Until this very moment. Until this moment where someone held me up to the sun and saw some value in me.
“Good. You’ll bring me, Vick.”
“And you’ll suck this dick.”
He pulls out it and lays it on my tongue. He leans back letting me service him. I’m hungry for it. I’m so hungry for it that in a matter of seconds I’m slurping back and forth. I’m licking his balls. I’m licking his taint. I lick the crack of his ass. I service my master on my knees, worshipping his muscles as I run my hands quickly up and down them. I lean my head backward.
I want him. I want him to nut in me.
I lick all over him until he silently lets out a quick, dark moan and right when he is about to explode, right when I can almost see the cum at the tip of the dick he stops and looks over at me.
“I’ll let you taste when you bring me, Vick,” he taunts me, puts his hard dick back in his pants and walks out of the room.
There are the boys that are held in the warehouse but there are the boys that he lets go free. The boy that was driving me is Boy #2. Supposedly this boy was some IT boy who never kissed another guy before he met Shade. I thought I was hooked on Shade but I could imagine this boy. He was a white boy. Not normal white though. He was so pale that his skin was damn near translucent. He rarely liked to the leave the warehouse and whenever Shade sent him out I’d see him standing out of the warehouse almost for hours until Shade let him back in. I’d seen Boy #2 get pissed on and even things worse than piss. He never complained. He loved every moment of it. He did it with a smile. No matter what kind of attention he got, he just knew it was attention. Sometimes I worried I’d become like Boy #2. Other times I was jealous of him. This boy was happy. He’d found love in whatever sick, deranged fucked up way it was. Who was I to judge him? He found his happiness.
And I just wanted to find mine.
“Daddy says you can text this number when you want us to come to get you. He says he believes in you. He believes you’ll bring him, Vick.”
That’s what Boy #2 calls Shade. He calls him Daddy. It’s not a coincidence. I hear how he shuffles in his seat. He has on adult diapers. Shade tells him that he has to wear them. I’m not sure why. It’s their personal thing that he has between them but it wasn’t uncommon to see Boy #2 with a pacifier in his mouth and diapers on running around the warehouse until his Daddy came, bent him over spanked him and fucked him till he cried. He’s a scrawny little thing and sometimes I wonder if he was perverted in the way that he wanted Shade to be his daddy. I’d never asked but then again who was I to judge. We all had our perversions. We all had our thing.
My thing was love and I wanted that from Shade.
“Use these,” Boy #2 says.
He hands me a folder. I am in the passenger seat of my car. We are right outside of Vick’s home. This is like a 2nd home to me. I should feel so comfortable coming here after all the dinner parties and the visits I’d had with the family. Right now I feel out of place though. Right now I feel somewhat lost.
“ What is it?”
I open it and take a look at them. They were photos. They were photos of Indigo. Ransom photos it almost seemed like. Indigo wasn’t tied up in these pictures but he did look somewhat drugged. He’s holding up a computer with the date. It looks like these were taken just a few days ago. I wonder how long Shade had been planning this.
“What am I supposed to do with this? Tell him that if he comes with me there will be a reunion or something? He’s not going to willingly sign into Shade. This is Vick of all people. He’ll go to the cops,” I realize.
Boy #2 shakes his head, “Not if he wants the boy in the picture to live.”
“Is Shade threatening to kill him?”
“Of course he won’t kill him. That’s Shade’s favorite. But his husband doesn’t know that? Now does he?”
He was so confident. I could tell he was going out of his way to make sure he captured the Master’s intentions. I cross my arms and a shiver comes up my spine. This doesn’t feel right. None of this shit feels right. I feel like I’m doing something that I shouldn’t be doing.
I get out of the car and start walking up to the house. I’m so nervous when I get to the door. In my pocket, I can feel the folder folded up about 20 times. I press my fingers on the sheets. I get to the door and give it a stern knock. A few minutes later someone comes to the door. It’s not Vick though.
It’s Vick’s handsome son. He looks back up at me.
He’s surprised to see me.
“Don’t call me that.”
“Your uncle,” I state, “Don’t call me that. I’m not anyone’s fucking Uncle.”
I can hardly look him in the face. How the fuck do you look someone in the face when you know their father is a sex slave somewhere. How the fuck do you pretend to be that person’s uncle? I just look away at the ground. I just wanted to deliver the Master’s message and get the fuck out of here.
Nevada seems confused, if not even a little hurt at my response to him, “OK…”
A few seconds later I hear someone calling out to the door.
“Nevada who is it?”
This time it is Vick. I’m actually glad.
“Louvell!” Nevada responds back.
In the next few minutes, I am greeted by Vick. Vick’s eyes are wide when he sees me. He is wide and almost shocked. He’s so shocked that he leans and over and hugs me. Vick wasn’t some lovey-dovey kind of person. This guy had never hugged me all the years I’d been best friends with his husband. He was the kind to give you a cool nod and a greeting in a thick Philly accent “What’s going on boul?”
The hug ends after a minute and he keeps looking at me, “Come in. Come in. I was just helping Nevada with his homework.”
He’s acting weird when I walk in there. He keeps looking at me completely shocked that I’m alive. He’s completely shocked that I’m here right now. I wonder if he can tell how nervous I am. I wonder if he can tell that I’m looking at everything in the house except for him. That doesn’t really help too because there are pictures of indigo everywhere.
The more I’m in the house, the more I am feeling like shit.
“You’re looking well…” I realize.
Of course, he was looking well. It was fucking Vick for god sakes. That’s the thing about Indigo. He was the kind of guy who just has this charisma. He might not have been like Jean who could walk any runway and give any male fashion model a run for their money, but he was confident. Indigo could pull a guy as sexy as Vick whose body looked like something out of a 12-year-old girl’s wet dream.
“So are you,” he states probably just trying to be nice, “I’m shocked to see you, man. I have to admit. We were kind of worried.”
“Yeah. With everything going on with Shade…”
“I don’t know about that.”
“You weren’t with Shade?”
I shake my head, “No.”
I shake my head again, “No.”
He just sighs a little bit, “I was going to ask about Jean. I know I shouldn’t but I’m kind of worried. See me and Skylar dropped him off to meet Shade some time ago. We haven’t heard from Jean as of yet. We were just concerned…”
“Maybe you should stop being concerned with Jean. Maybe that was what caused all of this in the first fuckin place…” I state.
That smile that he has on his face fades and fades fucking quick. I want it to hurt when I say that. I want him to realize how awkward this shit is. I watch him look past me. He looks over his shoulder to his son who was standing at the threshold just steady listening in on grown folks business.
Nevada gets the clue.
“I’ll go take my homework upstairs,” Nevada states.
As soon as he leaves I turn back to Vick. He’s looking at me with this intense look like he’s about to curse me out or beat me the fuck up for disrespecting him in his home. That’s what I expect but instead of doing that he just stays calm.
The sad look at what he gives me at that moment makes me wish he would have just beat me the fuck up. Maybe this all would have been a bit easier.
“I betrayed the love of my life. I’ve been in a depression for so long feeling like I’ve caused all of this to happen. For so long I’d been here just wishing I could take everything I did to Indigo back. I can’t though. I can’t even own up to the fact that I was the downfall of our relationship.”
“Indigo was no angel,” I admit, “He was my best friend but he had his…vices…”
That was saying things loosely.
“I should have respected those vices. No, more than respected, I should have nurtured his habits and his likes in a healthy way. Instead, I ignored them. I swept them under the rug because instead of working on what I didn’t like about my own relationship I was filling that hole in my heart with carnal desires for someone else.”
I almost feel like I’m talking to someone else. This wasn’t the Yo Yo Yo Philly guy who had a hot temper and was ready to pop off at the drop of the dime. This Vick was someone else. This Vick was so composed. He spoke so well. It was shocking as hell to hear everything that he was telling me. it was shocking but at the same time, it was such a relief.
“You seem to have been doing some soul searching.”
“I will spend the rest of my days regretting what happened with Indigo. I can’t take it back but what I can do is make sure that I love everyone who he loved in the way that he did for him. That includes Nevada and that includes you…”
I almost break down at that moment. I almost burst down into tears. I can almost feel the love and regret coming off of Vick. It’s something beautiful. I have to admit. I turn away from him not wanting to tear up in front of him.
“I’m fine,” I state.
“I can see that,” he responds, “But Jean. I made a mistake to let Jean do something that he shouldn’t have done. I’m not worried about him. I would never cross that line with Jean again because of the memory of Indigo. But I do know that indigo would want me to find Jean. He would want me to protect him. So if you have any information about where Jean is or how I can help him…”
My heart is racing.
“I need to know: if you could see Indigo again what would you say?”
“You mean like in heaven.”
“I mean on Earth,” I respond, “What would you say to him? What would you give to see him again?”
I put my hand on the envelope in my pocket.
“I’d give anything…” he states, “Just to tell him I’m sorry. I’d tell him that love isn’t practical. It isn’t meant to be easy. It doesn’t appear on command. It doesn’t let you fall for whomever you’d like. It surfaces neither at the most opportune moment nor in the most convenient. I wasn’t ready to be in love with him. I wasn’t ready to love him. There is no guide to love. There is no guide to the answers. But if for just one moment I could have the ability to figure it out with him again…I’d give anything.”
I put the envelope back in my pocket. Why was I crying? Why were streams of tears rolling down my face as I think of all of this? Why the fuck was I even here. How could I be here?
This wasn’t fucking right.
“You OK?” he asks.
“I got to go,” I state.
I leave at that moment. I don’t say another word. I just up and leave. I can’t face him and I can’t bribe him to give himself up to Shade.
Indigo was alive. That changed everything and no matter how much I wanted something with Shade, I knew that I would never be able to get that. I knew that I could never be able to be OK with it.
I had to get Indigo out of there.
Boy #2 picks me up.
“Did you get it?” he asks.
I nod, “I am in good with Vick.”
Boy #2 smiles, “Daddy will be happy. Let’s go back to the warehouse. He’ll want to hear the good news.”
The way back to the warehouse is long and the truth is I don’t have a plan. The only plan that I have is to get Indigo out of there. The only plan that I have is to make sure that we can get Indigo out of there.
We get to the warehouse and Boy #2 seems excited, “Come on. Let’s go tell Daddy the good news together…”
“You go on ahead. I want to make sure I prepare for daddy…”
He smiles, “Enema.”
“Yeah. I want to be clean for when he gives me my gift.”
“Daddy likes it dirty sometimes, but if you insist…you insist,” Boy #2 says giving me a half-cocked smile and walking off, “I’ll tell Daddy to expect you.”
Instead of going to the lockers I head down to the open rooms. I’m not surprised when I find Jean in the room as Hall Monitor. It’s the first room that I check and Jean, sure enough, is already there completely naked bent over. Most of the new boys haven’t completely submitted. It took getting random dick from strangers for them to completely submit. I look over at him and sure enough, he’s completely naked at this moment.
“He’s alive…” I state.
He seems out of it as he looks at me, “What?”
I loosen Jean from the straps and release him. I let him go completely. He smells like cum and piss. His face is covered with dried up semen. I knew that he had multiple men have their way with him. I can just see by the look in his eyes.
“Indigo. He’s alive.”
“I don’t get it.”
He’s drugged up. I slap him a few times and pull out the pictures from my pocket. I show it to him. Automatically I watch as Jean’s eyes get wide as fuck in the next few moments.
“He’s alive,” he repeats at that moment, “How? How is this possible?”
“His funeral was staged by the master…I mean by Shade,” I state grunting, “He has him in the workshop room.”
“Is that where he is now?”
I shake my head, “At this time of day he’s in the dungeon. He’s fucking one of the boys. I know him like clockwork. The workshop room is open. I’m going to go ahead and distract him. I need you to do something. Go to the workshop. There is a room all the way in the back. Indigo is in that room. Get Indigo and go…”
“What are you going to do?”
“I’m going to distract him.”
I head to my locker before I go to meet the Master. I take my time, wiping up for him. It would be weird to go see him with him expecting me to look and smell a certain way that I wasn’t. I head to the dungeon. Sure enough, I find the master. I’m not surprised when I see him having a boy stretched out on there. Another boy is on the table. The master is whipping the boy all across the chest with a rawhide whip. The boy squirms in pain. The marks almost break through the skin and the master has some look in his eyes as though he is enjoying this.
“Took you long enough,” The master states.
“Had some stuff to do.”
I knew that I had the opportunity to go with Jean. I knew I had the opportunity to leave with Jean, but I didn’t. I stayed. Maybe a part of me wanted to see the Master just one last time. Maybe a part of me wanted some sort of closure to all of this. I’m standing there feeling pathetic.
“He’s going to come.”
“I spoke to him.”
He gives me a look, “You know how I knew that Indigo needed help? The day I found him in the bathtub?”
“Cameras. I just so happened to have cameras in his apartments. I did it to watch him. I did it to protect him and I saw him there about to kill himself because of what his so-called friends had done to him.”
I gulp, “Shade…”
“I had cameras in Vick’s home as well. I’d been watching Indigo for quite some time. So when I sent you over there, did you not assume that I’d be watching what you were doing? This was a test, Louvell. A test to see if you were loyal to your master. A test to see where you stood. You failed that test Louvell. And now you must be punished.”
“What are you going to do?”
“You don’t want to know…” he states, “Just know you most likely won’t survive it.”
My heart races. I wouldn’t’ put it past him. I start backing away from him but he’s moving fast. He grabs me and presses me up against the wall. He pins me there. I struggle but I feel him put a grip on the back of my shoulder. It’s some sort of pressure point technique. I fall to my knees immediately and my whole body goes numb. I’d seen him do it with other boys before. It’s a way to control them into submission. Shade knew so much about the body. He made it his business to know the body. It’s strengths and it’s weakness.
“He’s gone by now…you piece of shit!” I state spitting on at his feet, “Indigo is gone by now. Jean has taken him far away.”
“Has he?” he asks.
Just at that moment, I see someone moving from the shadows. The person looks humbled. Broken. Almost…almost submissive.
The person has on adult diapers.
“Daddy,” Jean states, “Have I been a good boy?”